Friday, November 12, 2010
Day 9: someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted
Don't we all have a few people who have drifted out of our lives without us even realizing it? Someone who came into your life like a whirlwind, was there for a little while and then the calls were less, the visits were less, the dinner dates were less until all of a sudden you realize it's been months since you last talked??
My best friend of almost twenty years....we've drifted....I haven't talked to her in months. I have no idea what's going on in her life...no idea where she's working, what she's doing, nothing.
Now the fact we haven't talked isn't really so odd....she lives in my hometown....has never really been one for the phone and we have in fact gone a very long time without talking. The difference this time....I am not picking up the phone and trying to get in touch with her anymore.
Let me explain- I love her to pieces, I would do anything for her and I sincerely hope that we talk soon. But there comes a point in every relationship that if you are putting forth more effort to make it work, you start to resent the other person's lack of effort. Life gets in the way....I totally get it....trust me. I totally get it....I am not the most accessible person right now- but after countless messages, facebooking, emails etc you just give up. Do I miss her? I miss the friendship we had..I miss the history that I felt with her....I miss the connection to my past...I miss her knowing what I was thinking without even opening my mouth...I miss the hopes that we had as kids to be part of each other's grown up lives... you know the ones...kids running around together...backyard bbq's with our families, random girls weekends in fun cities..I miss her the way we used to be...I would love to talk to her- but the old her- the one that I had a connection with...the one who knew everything going on in my life- the one who I could talk to for half an hour and feel my soul fill up as we were conversing- the one who I would wake up in the middle of the night or suddenly know I needed to call in the middle of the day because she needed me- the one who I would love to surprise when flights were cheap on the weekends...I was the queen of the e-saver flights- Saturday morning at 6am leave here and leave down there Sunday night at 10pm...get home with no sleep, but a full heart, sleep for a few hours and go to work the next day. Who wouldn't miss that?? of course I do...but sometimes you just need to let go and see what happens..