Day 4: Something to forgive someone else for

This one was a tough one.  I try to forgive people.  People make mistakes...they do things that they aren't proud of and I try to put myself in their shoes and figure out why the actions were done and then forgive them for it.  There are only two people in my life that I haven't been able to forgive and I am not sure that I could ever forgive their actions.  One is too painful to write about...there are only a handful of people who know about it and I don't know that I could ever write about what happened.  The other, well she deserves forgiveness and I can't bring myself to forgive her- but I do feel sorry for her.
She is the sister of one of my closest friends (coincidently the one I wrote about having dinner with last week).  We became friends when we were both going through a cancer battle together.  It was a time in my life that I couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on- I didn't want to upset anyone with how I was really feeling about this horrid disease that was making me miserable.  She was there- she understood what it was like to go through chemo, drs appointments.  She understood that there were different thoughts going through my head that I couldn't burden anyone else with.  We spent a ton of time together.  I would go to her house on the weekends and we would watch movies, talk, and she was the only one who could truly understand because she was going through the same things.  Her disease took a turn for the worst one summer and I spent every available minute with her.  She started to talk about ending things.  She wasn't getting any better and never would.  We would have conversations for hours about when the quality of life wasn't good enough any more, when the battle wasn't worth fighting any more.  I met her at her house one summer weekend and she asked me to stay for the weekend.  We went out on Saturday for a full day of pampering- massages, facials, hair cuts etc.  At the end of the weekend, she looked at me and told me that this was it.  She had done her research and she was finished with this world.  I cried. We talked.  I knew how she felt but losing her was going to be like losing a part of me.  She asked for my help going through her stuff- I knew who was getting everything.  She gave me prized pieces of jewelry and we cried together.  I left that night, knowing that I would never see her again.  I did see her one last time- before she did anything just to give her a hug and tell her that I loved her.  I didn't know when it would happen, but I got the phone call from her sister- she told me that her sister had tried but someone found her and she was in the hospital.  I cried- knowing that the last place she wanted to be was in the hospital.  Her sister- who also knew what was happening- told me that she would keep me updated on her condition.  Later that night, I got a phone call- again from her sister asking me if she could pick me up.  I said of course- knowing that this was a hard time for her as well.  When she pulled into the driveway, she looked at me and said that she needed to tell me something.  Bracing myself, I nodded my head and then she dropped the bomb shell that I will never forget.  She lied.  None of it was true.  She was never sick.  She never had cancer.  I remember thinking that's not possible.  I would have known.  After all the time we spent together- there's no way that it had all been a lie.  We cried together- tried to figure out how it was even possible that this was the case.  Her poor sister, this dear dear friend of mine, was left to pick up the pieces.  This person- who I had poured my soul out too because I thought that she understood- was nothing more than a con, a fake, a liar.  I felt betrayed- putting it in simple terms.  Her sister said to me- she wants to see you, she wants to explain.  I shook my head and said that I never wanted to see her again.  I boxed up all the stuff that I could find and brought it to her sister.  She called me once- tried to explain- told me that her drs had lied to her, that she truly thought that she was sick.  I told her that was bull- she admitted that she lied and that she was sorry and that she needed her friends now more than ever.  I told her that wasn't possible and I hung up the phone.  I received a couple of emails from her and finally wrote her back and told her that I couldn't even think about her without feeling completely betrayed and that I wasn't going to talk to her again.  I haven't heard from her since- except through her sister who updates me occasionally.
I know that I should forgive her.  I know that I shouldn't have turned my back on her because she was a friend.  But I honestly felt and still feel that every part of our friendship was built on a lie.  She took something as awful as cancer,lied about it and used it to make me and others feel sorry for her.  I can't forgive her for that.  I wish that I was a strong enough person to forgive her for it, but I can't.  I do feel immensely sorry for her.  Had I met her after all of this charade was done, I probably could have been friends with her.  She is one of two people in this world who I really should forgive and I just can't.