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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Weekend recap

It ended up being a really great weekend.
Those kids will make me laugh, smile and eternally grateful that I can be part of their lives.
Hubby and I drove them back up north on Sunday.
We stayed in a hotel at the slots casino and won enough to cover the cost of the room, food and the vegetables that we bought the next day to plant....yay!!
We left up there relatively early and commenced a comedy of errors trying to pick up some random stuff that we needed life a new air mattress, a travel cup and of course vegetables for the "garden".
We went to four different stores before we were done and wouldn't you know I forgot gallon size plastic bags that I needed...
We dug in the dirt (sort of).  We don't have a traditional garden, we plant in pots on the deck because it's easier than planting in the ground...no weeds this way and I don't have to worry about the animals as much.  We will see what they produce.  We have a couple of pepper plants, watermelon, squash, cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce.  Hopefully we will be able to supplement the food we have to buy in the grocery store.
It was back to work today...nothing out of the ordinary....they still haven't scheduled interviews for the new job yet...hopefully this week....
I am planning a trip with my girlfriend who was supposed to come up this weekend.  Her little brother is getting married in August in Florida....she and her little girl are going and have asked me to come with them...so I am looking for plane tickets and a car....should be fun...her little girl hasn't been to the beach before so it will be fun to be there for that experience.  I talked with them on the phone tonight...and she got on the phone and said Aunt Cole, I bury you in the sand.  I said of course...she said tomorrow.  I laughed and told in a few days.  How many was the question I got back.  I told her I didn't know but that I would send her a calendar so I will have to pull out my creative side to make a calendar and put it in the mail for her....maybe a "beach" kit for her..hmm..I will think about it.
today, I am most grateful for all of my nieces and nephews, both by blood and my friends kids I love like my own.  They make me smile, make me feel loved and make me realize how truly lucky I am to be able to help them grow up.
Hope that all is well in your corners of the world.  Sending out positive wishes to the universe for all of you...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Empty wrappers

First, before I share my story for today I want to say thank you to all of the new friends who have ventured over here and left such nice comments on my last blog.  My friend and I are actually planning a trip together I think in August to a beach in florida for her little brother's wedding so every thing will work out for the best...
Today I have empty tootsie rolls wrappers all over my table and starburst papers on my floors
Wii games and remotes strewn from one end of the living room to another..
I made three different dinners tonight...
There are toy cars and pretzel stick in the glass that once held a drink....
I heard yelling, crying and and general loudness today,...
I also heard the peals of laughter and I love yous
Had sticky starburst hands hold mine
Listened to some really long rambling stories from a very serious four year old.
I got hugs, snuggles and kisses before bed time and a request to snuggle just "til we fall asleep"
Auntie tell me a story...a good story with pirate and mermaids
Auntie, I'll tell you a story
Auntie tell my story with me
Auntie can I snuggle with you while I fall asleep
Auntie it's okay you can go now as I tried to sneak away once they were asleep.
So yes, there are wrappers and half finished glass of soda all over my house, I made two dinners and then poured bowls of cereal, but there is nothing that feeds my soul the way those two nephews of mine do.  They are the perfect remedy to the heaviness that was in my heart.  When they look up at me with those puppy dog  eyes, they know that I will melt....but this weekend they will never know how much I needed those puppy dog eyes, sticky hands and sloppy kisses....so everything happens for a reason.....and having them here, knowing that they will wake me in the morning and we will have cereal and then bacon and then maybe some pancakes and spend the day hanging out....can't get much better than that!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Day off...

I have today off....It has been one of those weeks that I just couldn't wait to get out of work...
Even though i am currently sitting on my deck typing this in the sun that has finally come out of hiding I am a bit sad...
You see I took today off because someone was supposed to come up for the weekend and visit me..
someone who I have known for a million (okay 21) years...
someone who went through the awkward adolescent stages with me.
Someone who's mother and father I know as well as my own (her dad actually holds the title as the only other father figure other than my own dad that I call dad...isn't that odd...lots of friends mom's have always been called mom but no one else's dad)...
We used to walk through the woods, sneak cigarettes, deal with first boyfriends, first kisses, first break ups, broken hearts..
We have dealt with growing apart with different groups of friends entirely, having nothing in common for a few years and grown back together to be thick as thieves
We graduated from high school together, dealt with moving to colleges that were light years apart, talking religiously once a week, played phone tag to get in touch with each other and always saw each other the first night I was home from college for any kind of vacations.
She was the person I called when i met hubby and told her that I had met the man I was going to marry, and she was the one who bolstered my spirits when I thought that we would only ever just be friends.
She was the first one I called when he proposed, even though it was eleven thirty at night and I knew she had to be up early the next day.
I was the first one she would call when her mom or dad were in the hospital for various health issues, we cried together when we thought it would be the end for one of them, and breathed a collective sigh of relief when the crisis was averted.
When she got married, I was the one she called to help her plan the wedding, and when she turned into bridezilla I was the one who did what she asked and took the brunt of it and several weeks later had a very angry conversation with her about the way she acted towards everyone that day.  We cried together and made up.
I was the first one she called when she found out she was pregnant with her precious little girl after a year of trying and the first one to get a picture when she was born...
She is the one I call when once again I don't get pregnant in a month and she is the support that I need when I want to throw in the towel.
Her baby girl, who is now three, is the most precious child and talks to me in her gibberish on the phone and I cry when I know that I am missing her growing up....
I am the one who can spoil both of them with care packages because I know that money is tight and she knows that i only do it cause I love them and not because I expect anything in return.
We had the whole weekend planned, they were going to drive up with her hubby last night and spend the weekend enjoying Maine.  Beaches, lobsters, a whale watch.  Completed by sitting out each night on the back porch enjoying having this person who is so much a part of my soul being in my space and seeing how I live.  Life got in the way, a broken hot water heater and other expenses happened and I wasn't able to find a cheap enough flight or bus or train to get her here.  She didn't want to tell me because she thought I'd be mad...I told her i wasn't mad, just disappointed.
She called me earlier today to chat because we both had the day off in anticipation of seeing each other.  Sometimes life gets in the way....but today...as I sit on my porch wishing I was waiting for the call that they were getting off the exit on the interstate and will be here in ten minutes, my heart hurts and my soul is crying a bit for the hug of a friend who's been there forever but is so far away.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Award time

Okay...I am sorry that I didn't post last night...I was some kinda tired when I got home last night and just couldn't being myself to post...
so without further adieu...from the wonderful Teresa over at The Middle Side of Life honored me with

Here are the rules:

1. Tell you who gave it to me. done and she's most fabulous..if you don't know her you really should...she is amazingly talented and honest and just very encouraging.
2. Put up a link to their blog.
3. Pay it Forward to five more bloggers. 
Well, this one has been making the rounds so I know that many of you have gotten this one...so if I repeat just know it's cause you are pretty fantastic!!
First up, This is me at southhamsdarling.  She shares an amazing part of the world with us every day.  She leaves the best comments and takes beautiful pictures...you should check her out- I promise she's not really leaving like she says she is....at least if enough of us tell her not to she has to come back...
Tress over at Jumble Mash- she's getting married and has just recently started a second blog.  She's pretty fun over there- you should totally check her out....
Jilda over at Transformation Information I have found her blog recently.  She is inspiring and she has great insights....
Mynx over at Dribble she writes whatevers on her mind, is a true artist and hosts a damn good party....her post and the subsequence comments on her 300th post is the reason that I love blogging.
And finally Caterpillar over at Musings and Confessions of a Wandering Mind.  She posts questions that make you think and ponder life in general...which is always fun and a great way of getting to know fellow bloggers...

Barb over at This and That added another rule that you should talk about one person who inspires you in the blog world.  I don't know that I could name just one....all of you inspire me every single day.  Your stories, pictures, art....they feed my heart....your support, friendship and understanding makes me smile and eternally grateful to all of you... the little world that we have created allows me time to sit back and immerse myself in something other than what's going on in my life.....so thank you all for being you, for writing and for reading what I have to say...
hugs and love to you all....

Monday, May 23, 2011

You know what I can't wait for...

So I just finished my paper...I am an incredible procrastinator....School will be over in four weeks ( I know...you must all be sick of hearing this).
I can't wait to....
have time to curl up with a good book on my kindle and read for fun....
make some cute cards for my friends
plant some plants and harvest some vegetables
Laugh with a friend on the phone without watching the clock to see how late it's getting
Write comments on all of your blogs after i read them
sit on the porch and listen to the rain (because it's never going to stop....come on really if the world is going to end I swear it's going to be a flood)
take my camera out and take pictures of whatever I want to..
make scrumptious looking dinners...
you all inspire me every single day....I read your blogs about all of the cool things that you are doing and I am in awe and honored to read about the happiness you are sprinkling into the world.
Thank you my friends...for making me look forward to something other than text books and papers!! Love you all!

(and I do promise tomorrow I am going to pass along the award....I think I have seen everyone who's gotten it)

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Teresa- over at The Middle Side of Life gave me an award.  It's one that popped up recently that I had never seen before:

There are some rules and such that I will need to address.  I promise that I will soon...I need to think on it and honestly catch up on my bloggie friends to see who's received it and who hasn't. I promise that I will do this on Tuesday, as Monday's are homework nights.

There are some new followers and I want to welcome you all.  I hope that you like what you see!

This was a good weekend, very relaxing.  We did venture out yesterday to run some necessary errands and went to the movies.  We saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie- we weren't impressed.

I hope that you all had a great weekend....the rain finally broke for a few hours yesterday but promises to come back this week....

I have a whole lot of nothing tonight...any one want to know anything???  Ask a question in comments if you do and I will address them going forward....
In the mean time I am going to bed...hope that you all have sweet dreams and a great day tomorrow!! Hugs to you all...

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Ever have the feeling that there are people watching your every move?
Studying, watching, pretending not to see but memorizing every single thing?
I have talked about some of the monster that hide under my bed...
They are watching from the corner right now...
you can see them if you turn your head fast enough,
just out of the corner of your eye...
Even more than the glimpses you catch,
you can feel them breathing down your neck.
The sickening, damp, hot breath so you know that they are there.
No matter how much I pretend, how much I ignore,
I know that they are there...
ready to pounce..

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thursday's List

I think we've all sprouted webbed feet and are quacking these days....the sun hasn't been out since last Friday...a little bit crazy..but at least I don't have to water the plants right?
This has been a crazy week for me- catch up again at work and after a lack of sleep last weekend it's always hard to get back into the swing of things...
Smiles this week?
Hubby started his new job..and I can honestly see the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders.  It's amazing how much of a difference that makes for him.  The new job is going well and he's like a little kid with stars in his eyes- remember that feeling every year on the first day of school?  that excitement and anticipation- that's what he's like right now...it is a good change for him..
I made goal for the month at work...which is nice.  Nice to know that I am already there and the rest is just gravy.
We got new phones last night.  Hubby has always used his company phone and we decided that wasn't such a good idea with this new job and I was eligible for an upgrade so we both got new phones....the best part...adding him to the plan and tweaking things a bit isn't going to cost me one penny more than what I was paying on my own....so nice...plus we can cancel the landline now and just use our cell phones.
I am looking forward to the weekend- very low key- putting on pj's when I get home tomorrow after work and not getting dressed until monday at 6am.  I need to sort through bills and laundry but we are turning off cell phones and just enjoying a low key weekend..
I've missed you guys!  I kept meaning to write and then I would go to bed and have posts running through my head and wake up in the morning and completely forget what i was thinking...I have been reading and not commenting- sorry about that.hopefully I can get back into the swing of things this weekend.
And for all of you who asked- i don't have a single picture from the party- I was too busy running around being a hostess to take a single one:(  I am hoping that someone else took pictures and is going to send them to me....
Sending whispers of sweet dreams and lots of positive thoughts your way....hopefully you have some sunshine- and hey- when it's raining there are an awful lot of puddles to jump in!! hugs to you all!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011


It was a really great party...
had a blast and saw lots of people we haven't seen in a long time.
People ate, drank and laughed a lot.
Unfortunately, it rained.....lots of people in the house..
We were up late last night and early this morning.
I tried the food for the first time this afternoon and it came out quite good.
There was an interesting blend of our worlds yesterday..
Family of both of ours
Work friends of both of ours
Random friends from around here
A couple of friends from college...
It is odd seeing your grandfather and one of the guys you work with talking and interacting.
It was a fun "adult" party...my first in my very own house...
Breakfast this morning with the out of town guests..
My parents and brother were the last to leave a couple of hours ago to catch a plane..
It's very quiet in my house..hasn't been this quiet in the house in four days...kinda lonely...you know that feeling after the party you've been planning forever is done and you all of a sudden have no stress....yep that feeling...I am exhausted and falling asleep on the couch...waiting til it's an acceptable time to go bed...
Hope you are well.. love and hugs to you all...

Friday, May 13, 2011

What a whirlwind

It's been a crazy couple of days....
blogger was down and I felt disconnected from all of you..
My parents are here as is my aunt and my brother.
We have:
bought and put together patio furniture
Cooked forty pounds of pork
been to walmart twice, the grocery store three times, BJ's twice, the dollar store twice and starbucks three times
we have a ton of food for the party tomorrow:
10 pounds of potato salad
3 pounds of macaroni salad
120 chicken skewers
spinach dip
onion dip
ranch dip
two vegetable platters
pepperoni, cheese crackers
hubby built stairs for the deck and put up a wall
Done lots of dishes..
Another trip to Bj's in the morning to pick up a cake and ice and a trip for seven table and fifty chairs...we need to put up a tent and set everything up..
Hoping for the weather to hold out until after the sun goes down tomorrow...
I think we are ready for a party.....anyone wanna come??
Hope that you are all doing well and that blogger stays up and running...
hugs to you all...i'll be back after the party...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

for your enjoyment...some flowers, a bathroom and my lovely parents.


Shocking that things are crazy right now....
But I have a couple of things that I wanted to share before the day goes full swing:
My parents will be here in 27 hours and 11 minutes.  I can't WAIT to see them. 
The cleaning lady is coming today- I fired the elves- they just weren't cutting it.  So my house will be squeaky clean when I get home.
My bathroom is DONE!!  The toilet works, the sink works and there's a door a floor and paint on the walls.  I am so excited and eternally grateful for and in awe of my husband and the work he can accomplish
New class started last night- it's the LAST one....in 41 days I will be finished.
So that's my quick list of happy things this morning..
Hugs and love to each of you today!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Crazy weekend

well this weekend was quite insane.
The bathroom is almost done
Hubby says it will only take him a few more hours and that will completed.  It looks awesome.  If it wasn't so late I would take pictures....I promise I will..
My mother in law cleaned the house this weekend...it is also almost done..
She was actually pretty dealable this weekend...maybe because I refused to engage with her if I didn't like what she was saying or maybe because she did so much around here that it's not very nice to say something bad...either way she was incredibly helpful and the first layer of dust is off of everything...which is awesome.
My favoriteist aunt drove up from CT last night late and worked outside all day.  She has my hill almost all cleaned off, she pulled weeds, she planted...she's amazing.  I hate to garden and she knows that and accepts it and does it for me for my birthday every year.  Plus she makes me smile.
I painted some wainscoting in the kitchen white- which I love
I planted my flower pots and some lettuce.
I helped clean out the garage
I cooked and baked and did dishes.
I wrote a fifteen page paper.
There is still a lot to be done, but a lot was accomplished this weekend.  Hopefully the weather is nice next saturday cause I am not sure what I am going to do with all these people if it's not.
For now, I am happy knowing that I almost have a new bathroom, I almost have a clean house, I almost have a planted garden.  Now onto the week of menu planning, house cleaning, decorating and stress that leads up to a party.
For now, I am extremely grateful that there are people in my life who will come and help when we need it- even if I have to put up with disparaging comments.
I just emailed off my paper for my class so this one is done.  I start my next one on Tuesday- that means 12 more discussion questions and six more papers and I can officially say that I got my MBA.
For now I am going to send out hugs and wishes that you all have sweet dreams tonight (even though I hope that you are already in bed).....hugs and lots of love to you all..

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Saturday Ramblings....

Well things sort of went the way I wanted the to yesterday....

I got mostly caught up...

my boss and I skipped our career conversation. She had stuff and I just was in a state that I wasn't really feeling it..

She asked me the other day what was going on...because I had been really excited about this new job...

I couldn't answer her...

Have you ever had one of those moments that you just aren't sure about your ability to effect change?

I am not confident right now....

things are messy at work right now and I am not sure what it is going to take to fix it....

In this new position I would be expected to have ideas to fix it...

there in lies the problem..

I guess I am just feeling a bit hopeless about the whole situation. I need to get in a better head space because I don't want to screw up this opportunity...

In other news, they are making progress on the bathroom...the wainscoting is up and the room is painted. The floor leveler stuff is drying...hopefully this will be all done tomorrow...

Poor hubby,....his birthday was today and he worked all day....i did make him a cake and get him a couple of cards....but everyone was pretty exhausted tonight....I am falling asleep as I type this but am waiting up for my aunt who will hopefully be here soon....

I hope that all you mother's out there have an amazing mothers day and that your kids are extra specially nice to you....

hope that you are all doing well in your corners of the world...sending peace and love to you all...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thursday's List..

Another week coming to an end...
It was another crazy one...
hubby accepted a new job on monday with a different company.  He's been at the same job for 11 years so this is a big deal.  I am hoping that it will  be less stress for him and make him happier...
In the meantime, he's super crabby and snapping at me for everything...the joys of marriage..
it was an insane week at work...
I am almost caught up...
I am still working on getting there...but hopefully by the end of the day tomorrow I will be there..
My boss and I are having drinks tomorrow night to "discuss my career path"...promises to be fun.
That's really all I have tonight...
except that you should all go check out the latest post by Lyndylou at The Giggle Fest....it really spoke to me today and put into words some very familiar feelings.
Sending positive vibes and lots of smiles out to the universe tonight to all of you!!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

ramblings and thoughts..

This weekend was great....It was so nice to see my family and spend some time with all of them.  I didn't get to take many pictures and I haven't taken them off my camera yet :)  so I promise them for another day.
I have had a post in draft mode for a day and a half now.  I started it when I opened my facebook page on Monday morning and the first thing I saw was a video clip of people celebrating.  I couldn't figure out what major sporting event I missed and then I read what was going on.
Bin Laden was killed and people were dancing in the street
Celebrating the death of this evil person
Celebrating America and the power that this country had to take down this leader of a terrorist organization
Celebrating the destruction of this individual who spearheaded an organization who's mission seems to be to take down America
And you know what, I didn't celebrate.  I actually didn't post about it at all.
Like many other people who lived through that day, I remember exactly where I was, who I was with and what I was doing.  I remember the terror of hearing about the attacks in New York City.
I remember the pit in my stomach because I didn't know where my dad was working that day or whether my mom was in the store at the Pentagon.
I remember hearing that they were evacuating people in downtown Pittsburgh and thinking about the emails I had just exchanged with my best friend's mother who was in the tallest sky scraper.
I remember not being able to get online, there were no televisions in the building I was in and I remember not being able to contact my family.
I remember the days that followed, trying to make sure that the friends who were living in New York City were okay, that no one I knew was on one of those planes.
And I remember the phone call and the emotions when I found out that there was someone I knew, a friend who lost their life that day.
Hearing that Bin Laden was dead brought back all of those memories.  Flooding in, they took my by surprise, because to this day those emotions, that feeling of being out of control still floor me.
But I couldn't celebrate.
I can't celebrate the death of another human being, no matter how just and well deserved.
I know that people won't agree with me, and every one is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts on the subject, far be it from me to judge, so please don't judge me.
He was the leader of a vast organization.  A figurehead really who I honestly believe probably hasn't been calling the shots for several years.  He is gone and his judgement will be passed by whatever higher power has the right to pass that judgement. Certainly not me.
I am glad that the men and women who fight so hard for our country have succeeded in a mission that has been going on for a very long time.
I hope that this will make the world a more peaceful place, but I honestly don't believe that one person has that much power.  There are contingency plans and a hierarchy to an organization of any scale that does not rely on one man.
The dancing on the street, reminded me of the videos from right after 9/11 of individuals who were celebrating the attacks.
Hate breeds hate and once it's out, there is a vicious cycle that perpetuates.  When does it end?
I am glad that I wrote this, although I have no idea how it will be received.  It was not my intention to offend or to defend anyone or anything.  If I have offended anyone, I truly apologize and promise to be back to "normal" posts tomorrow.
Hugs to you all!!