About Me

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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Day 30

This has been an interesting month,
coming up with one thing a day that I am grateful for.
there are so many things in my life that I am truly blessed and in awe of every single day.
Today, on this last day of November,
there is one thing that I always remember.
Life is not a guarantee.
There have been many twists and turns on this journey and not so many years ago I learned that there is nothing that promises that you will be here tomorrow.
A diagnosis of a brain tumor,
the medicine that was administered,
the many appointments that held disappointing news.
At an age where so many of my friends were finding their way,
starting new families,
I was struggling to stay alive.
I struggle, fought, screamed, cried and made bargains with a higher power I wasn't even sure existed.
I hid the darkest thoughts from all those around me because if I let it show, then it was real.
I found an online community that had people who were going through the same thing and I found my voice.
I found others who were fighting just as hard,
some who won their fights,
others who did not.
I remember all their names.
We cried together,
shared our hopes and dreams along with our deepest fears.
I learned from that time in my life that you can't take anything for granted.
Although I am sure I would have learned many different life lessons if it hadn't been the hand that I was dealt, part of me is grateful that it was.
I learned that I was a strong woman.
I learned that you need to fight for everything you want.
I learned that being stubborn may not be the most attractive attribute, but sometimes it is all that can get you through.
I learned that you need to love every day.
you need to speak that love to those around you because there will come a time when you are unable.
I learned that it's okay to ask for help.  There are times when the help of others lets you reserve your energy for the important fight.
I learned that there are people who won't know what to say or how to act, and sometimes they are the people that you want to rely on the most.
I learned to forgive.  Forgive those perceived wrongs, forgive those who may not always live up to your expectations.
I learned that it's not always going to be the way you want it to be.  If life was perfect and you  had the house with the white picket fence, the wonderful job and the picture perfect family it might be boring.
For me, although the fight was hell and there were many times that giving up seemed to be the only option, the people who surrounded me with love and support were what kept me standing.  They made me fight for one more day.
The day that I looked a doctor in the eye and told him that while I valued his opinion but I was determined to prove him wrong was one that I will look back on with pride and a little bit of awe.
I am grateful for the journey that I have traveled so far and am grateful for every single day that I can take one more step down that path.
I don't know what life has in store for me or those that I care about, but I know that they are there cheering me on, holding me up and walking with me.
I am grateful for who experience has made me and for every single opportunity that comes my way.

Hugs and love to you all tonight!

Day 23

black friday...
A day when many were out in the stores...
A day when TV's were fought over,
the hottest toys pulled off the shelf,
people got mad at others for taking their parking space,
there were deals to be had and many people who went out to get them.
Not us.
We stayed snuggled in bed until the perfectly reasonable hour of 7:30am, when two munchkins stood at the doorway and asked if we were every going to get up.
We played games,
stayed in comfy clothes,
and we laughed.
A lot.
We enjoyed the beautiful weather and just hung out.
Basketball, pig, football.
On that day, I was grateful for unseasonably warm weather that allowed us all to burn off the meal that we had eaten the day before and enjoy just hanging out.
We may have missed out on a deal or two at the stores,
but the day was full of laughter, smiles and lots of love.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Day 29

Forgive me if these are a bit out of order.
I had every intention of posting whilst we were away, but we were too busy with the kiddos.
So over the next few days, you will be caught up on what I was grateful for on each of those days.

It is quiet here tonight.
The moon was full last night and I took a moment, in the freezing cold, to sit outside and soak in the moon rays.
It has been a tough couple of days around here.
Hubby is doing okay...
He is upset and hurting...and there is nothing I can say or do to make him feel better.
She was truly his cat.  He adopted her and they had their routines in the morning and at night.  I know he is missing her and is feeling guilty.  All I can do is hope for peace for him because I know that this will haunt him for a long time.

I am starting to see all kinds of Christmas decorations pop up on my way home from work.  They make me smile.  They remind me of when I was younger and my parents would pile all of us in the car and we would drive around for hours looking at the Christmas decorations.  When we would go out and pick out a Christmas tree and spend the afternoon decorating it and remembering where the ornaments came from.  Remembering cooking in the kitchen with my mother.  Christmas cookies galore for everyone because that was better than finding the perfect gift.
I find myself grateful tonight for the simpler times.
I love the magic of the holiday season.
I love the fact that people reach out more during the holiday season than they do the entire rest of the year.
I love the sparkle in a child's eye when they see Santa for the first time.
I love the chills that I get when you hear Christmas music sang by a church choir for the first time in the season.
I love the parties that get everyone together and celebrating.
I am grateful all year, but this time of year especially, for being able to see the good in life, the good in people and to be surrounded by so many people who care about others.

love and hugs.

Day 22

how big's the turkey?
Someone google how long it needs to be cooked.
We have to get up at what time?
What time are we eating?
Who's gonna call Nan and tell her to be here by noon?
How many times can we trip over each other in the kitchen?
What can I help with?
Auntie, teach my how to peel carrots.
Honey, can you cut up onions?
Here, go set the table?
Behind you.
Got it.
All set.
Everybody in the dining room.
Pass the turkey
Pass your plate, the container's hot
Pass to your right, no pass to the left.
No skipping people to get something faster.
I want apple pie
I want pumpkin
Nanny is there any chocolate pie.
It's time for football.
I'll do the dishes
It's time for another glass of wine
Who wants to play cards?
Make sure you take leftovers with you.
There were lots of smiles...lots to be thankful for...lots to soak in.
There was a lot of noise, a bit of yelling and many smiles throughout the day.
At the end of the day, when I think I ate more in one day than I did all week, I looked around at all of us, sacked out on couches, sitting on laps, sitting in recliners watching the home town team play football, grateful for the day.  Grateful for living in the moment.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Sad night tonight

I have a bunch of posts to write about this weekend....
but tonight, I am going to ask that you send some positive thoughts this way..
We had to put down the outside cat tonight.
She is one that sort of came with the house...as in she was here before we were...
We have fed her and taken her to the vet and let her inside when it was cold out.
It's very sad...
Hubby was pulling up the driveway tonight and she ran in front of the truck..
He couldn't stop in time...
He is...well quite frankly...a mess.
There is nothing that can be said that will make it better..
but maybe if all my blog friends can send out some positive thoughts, his heart might start to heal..
I promise a more upbeat post tomorrow.
This was her after we shaved her last summer.
RIP Jasmine.

Love and hugs to you all tonight!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Day 21

My phone blinks,
text message.
Good Morning.
text back Good Morning how are you?
Back and forth...
The kids are excited...they were counting on the calendar how many days you will be here.
I can't wait to see them.
the text messages go on for about an hour...or until I get motivated to go and get the stuff done that needs to get done.
Putting laundry away
Taking care of the cats
 Prepping some apps for tomorrow.
But tonight, we will leave and head the two hours north.
When we get there we will have two very excited, and probably very tired kids who will throw themselves in our arms excited that we will be there.
They will fall asleep, most likely on the couch next to us..
we will settle in for the night, have a glass or two of bubbly..
Do some prep for the big feast tomorrow..
fall into a rhythm of being together....
needing to avoid the pit falls of family drama..
I am grateful for my extended family..
It hasn't always been easy with them, but I don't know what I would do without them in my life.

Day 20

Rush, rush, rush.
Pick up the phone,
Answer an email
Can you...
Would you..
I need...
I want...
Why can't you..
Why won't you...
Phone ringing
Emails dinging
Instant messages
Time out
Take a breath.
Okay right back at it..
Five o'clock...five thirty..
Pack it up.
Yep, the computer comes home
Yep I will check it tomorrow
Yep I will make sure to be on top of things over the weekend.
But the blessed silence of knowing it will be on my time, my way.
I am grateful for my job and all it provides for us.
I enjoy the people I work with, both at the office and those out in the field.
I work hard...sometimes forget to play just as hard.
But today, as I walk out of the building, I am grateful for a five day weekend...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day 19

I am really not so good at these every day posts...
but this one is special.
My best friend's dad is an amazing person...
He was the only other one that I have ever called dad..
There were lots of other "moms" but only one other dad.
He was always that other person that we could go to..
He would laugh with us..
Pick us up from the movies and make sure that none of the guys were "making moves".
He would come down and listen to us giggle and refer to us as young ladies..
He also has Parkinson's.
He's been sick as long as I have known Stef..
He has gotten progressively worse as is the disease that steals his ability to control his movements.
Yesterday, he underwent a surgery.
A brain surgery that attached leads to parts of his brain and will lead to a decrease in his shaking and rigidity.
Scary surgery, but something he was looking forward to..
He's doing well, he will go in for more surgery next week to attach the stimulators.
Last night, when I talked with Stefanie, he was seeing a decrease in the shaking already and was very positive about the outcome.
Medical progress and treatments that are being used today are amazing.
To think that this man, that I admire and love very much, will be able to move without shaking, eat noodles without them falling off a spoon and be able to move more freely makes me grateful for all the medical advances today..

Monday, November 19, 2012

Day 17 and 18

I am grateful for the weekends..
Days that stretch in front of us to cram all the stuff that we don't get done during the week..
This weekend included a date night with hubby to the movies
And lots of cleaning...
I want to be able to get a christmas tree and decorate when we get home from the holiday this weekend so a deep clean of the house was needed.
Didn't quite get it all done, but we made a really good dent.
Two short days at work this week and then we are headed north for the holiday.
Hope you are all doing well..
Hugs and lots of love to you all

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 16

Today, I am grateful for technology..
The technology that allows us to be in touch with friends, family and loved ones.
The technology that allows us to see others even though they are far away.
The ability to send a quick message to say hello..or I love you.
I don't know what we would do without it...
So far away and I miss being with them every day..
But through facebook, emails, telephone calls and text messages, they seem a bit closer.
A quick text or an hour long conversation, the modern technology keeps me connected..and allows me to be in tough with the people that are most important to me.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Day 15

Again...a day late..dollar short :)
Today..I am grateful for the people that I work with every day.
These people, with whom I think I spent more time with than anyone else.
These people who get my sense of humor
Who understand a bad day
Who I can laugh with
Who get the frustrated tears
Who will brainstorm with me
Share their knowledge
Give me another way to approach a tough conversation
Who will wordsmith an email for me
Who have been there, through both good and bad.
We celebrate each others successes and help pick up and regroup when something doesn't go so well.
Some of them fill the roles of mom,dad, sister and friends on a regular basis.
When you spend so much time with people, it is nice to have a positive relationship with those around you.
I have worked in places that you don't have that, and I am grateful that we click so well.

Day 14

A few days late...better late than never..
Today, I am grateful for the first nephew.
You were first one we waited holding our breath to hear that you arrived.
The first time I held you and you snuggled in and sighed that baby sigh of contentment, you captured my heart.
Coming home,
Baby clothes,
First steps,
First words,
The first to call me auntie.
We have watched you grow up over the last nine years..
Cheered you on from the sidelines of countless games,
Applauded in the gym at the first play in kindergarten.
Countless hugs, smiles, tears, laughter and love from you.
As you told me this weekend...its your last year in single digits.
You are growing up so damn fast that I feel like we blink our eyes and its your birthday again.
But for today, I am grateful to be part of your life and for all the lessons you teach me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Day 13

Today, I am grateful for my brother...his snarky comments..his unrelenting drive...his complete commitment to who he is and his ability to never compromise that.
He was my baby brother growing up and I did what I could to protect him and make sure he never got hurt.  I lost him for a while when he was trying to come to terms with who he was.
But once he figured that out...he will never compromise it.
He makes me laugh and cry at the same time...
I am incredibly proud of him and everything he has done in his life...
My baby brother, who is now all grown up, has a fabulous path in front of him and I can't wait to see it unfold..

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Day 12

I am grateful for the angels that are walking beside me every day...
While I miss seeing you, hugging you and talking to you,
I know that you are helping to guide my path,
nudging when I need it
and sending me signs that you are still here.
I miss you and I love you all...
From facebook

Hugs to each of you today!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Day 11

Tonight...tonight I am grateful for a quiet house..
It was a great weekend with the kids and the birthday party and the general craziness...
But tonight it is quiet in my house as hubby is working up north for a few days...
Just me and the kitties...
And it is nice.

Tonight...i am grateful to all of my family and my friends who have served in the military.
there are no words to express how honored I am to know you,
how humbled I am for your sacrifice.
These men and women risk their lives to keep us safe,
I am grateful to them.

Tonight...I am grateful for the relationship that I have with my sister in law.
It has grown into a friendship and a sisterhood.
We laugh a lot..
We cry a little..
We have each others backs..
We talk (and text) a lot...
We have a ton of fun together...
And we know when the other needs space...
I am grateful for her.

I hope that you all had a wonderful day...hugs and love to you all!!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Day 10

Today, I am thankful for a day of laughter, giggles, hugs and lots of smiles...
A few tears...but nothing that couldn't be hugged away...
It was an amazing day for a birthday football party!!

Friday, November 9, 2012

Day 8 and 9

Didn't post yesterday....was thankful to have a quiet night with hubby with no electronics distracting us..
Today I am thankful that we live close enough to two of my nephews that we can share in one of their birthday celebrations....he turns nine next week..
So we are headed north for the weekend..
Hugs and love to all of you..and special thoughts to those still dealing with the devastation of last week's storm...

Ps- anyone else having problems with blogger comments?  I am losing about half when I go to publish them....so if you have left a comment and it is not on here...I am sorry...I did try to post it..

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 7

Today, I am grateful for where I live.

I am grateful to live in the United States.

A place where so many people have opposite political views,

But are free to voice them.

A place where people can bitterly disagree on issues,

But can debate them in an open forum.

A place where, after a long, arduous and demanding election process,

We can pull together the day after to start to move forward in the direction to help make this country better.

But even more so than living in the United States,

I am grateful to live in Maine.

I have been known to say that I live here only because of my husband.

Today, I am grateful to call this place home.

Today, I am grateful to be able to call my brother and tell him that he can get married here.

Today, I am grateful to be able to experience the happiness with coworkers who have been together for 11 years in a committed relationship that they can finally start planning their wedding.

Today, I am grateful and proud to be the first state whose voters have decided to allow for marriage equality for all.

I am grateful to live in this country, in this state, at this time in our history.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Day 6


Today I am grateful for perspective….

Looking back on your life, how will you choose to remember what has happened to you?

A man and a woman, rather advanced in their years, were sitting on a porch swing reminiscing about their life together.

The man says “ I am sorry that when we married, I didn’t have the money to buy you the ring you deserved”

The woman replies, while looking down at her finger that has worn the same ring for the last 54 years,

“The ring that you gave me the night you asked me to marry you is an expression of a love so pure and simple that nothing else can ever distract from it.”

The man says “I am sorry that we married in a quick ceremony before I shipped out and left you for two years. The letters I wrote can never replace the time I missed with you”

The woman replies “The ceremony was perfect and the money we saved by not having a big wedding allowed us to buy our first house. You went away to war and sent me love notes that I have read and reread all my life, that I will be able to pass down to our children and grandchildren so they know what real love is.”

The man says “ I am sorry for the loss of our oldest son. It caused you great heart break.”

The woman says “Although we didn’t get to hold him in our arms for very long, we were able to experience firsts with him: the first joy of knowing we were pregnant, the first time you ever felt that unconditional love for another human, the first laugh, the first smile. We will meet him again and be able to tell him that he made us better parents to his sisters because we were able to love them differently having experienced his loss”.

The man says “ I am sorry for working so much, I left you home to deal with the kids, the house and all the other daily dredges of life. I don’t feel like I was there for you when I needed to be”

The woman says “ You provided a house that I made a home, you provided food that turned into memories around the dinner table with you and the children. You may have been away, but you were always here when we needed you.”

The man says “Mostly, I am sorry that this time in our lives, when we are supposed to be together enjoying our retirement and all that hard work, I am sorry that I got sick and can’t do that with you.”

The woman says “Your sickness, like everything else in our lives, we will get through together. You might apologize for all of these things, but I am grateful for all of them. They allowed us to grow together, become closer and create memories that will be with us and those around us for a lifetime.”

The man says “I am scared that I am going to die and leave you alone”

The woman says “I can never be alone, because you are part of my heart and soul. You will be with me forever. Whatever the afterlife holds for us, I know that you will be waiting for me.”

Hugs and love to you all

Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 5

Today I am grateful for a group of people...
A group I have never met in real life,
A group who read my drivel,
My deepest secrets,
My endless rambling,
Who see my attempts to create,
To vent,
To release.
A group of people who
Although I have never met
Send a quick comment
A quick email
A picture
A card
A smile
People who I may not have met in real life if you had been standing beside me but people with whom I may feel more connected than with those I dwell amongst every day..
The people who I wish I had a million dollar so I could pull us all together for a long weekend to finally meet each other..
To laugh together,
Drink together, share a few meals and stories around a fire.
To all of you who read, who comment, who lift me up and who knoww when I need a little bit of extra encouragement..
The twists of fate that have led us into each others' lives may not make a lot of sense...but I am thankful for each and everyone of them every day.

Hugs and love to you all tonight!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Day 3 ( that didn't post yesterday)

Today I am grateful for lazy days...
We had a bunch of errands to run this mor ning but once we finished those, we came home and have just been chillin for the day.  It has been terribly unproductive and quite a change from the frentic pace that has been the past few weeks.
Hubby and I are snuggling on the couch with a bunch of junk food.  We are both watching different shows...his on the big tv. Mine on the computer...but it is nice to just be able to relax.
Hope you all have had an awesome day.
Ps- I have joined pintrest...come find me....I think my user name is colenic

Day 4

Today...I am grateful for my four fur babies...
My kitties came into my life eleven years ago this past month...
I had been bugging hubby for a cat..
We were living in an apartment at the time and although all of our neighbors had cats, technically the landlord didn't allow them. 
We wanted to adopt a cat and the humane society here wouldn't let us unless we had written permission from the landlord..
Hubby called me on Columbus Day from a job site and said...you need to go down the street to the pet store and pick up some kitten food.
I didn't know what he was talking about but he said they were young, so I went down the street...
He came home that night with my four babies...and babies they were....they were teeny and were scared.  We took them to the vet the next day and found out that they were only a week old...
They are my babies...I was up with them every two hours when they were young....brought them to work with me in a bag cause I couldn't leave them alone...they snuggle with me nightly and come under the covers when they are cold.  The listen to the laughter...know when you are upset and just know when you need a little bit of extra love...

Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 2

Today,as I read stories of devastation and despair, I am grateful for power and a roof over my head.
There are so many stories, both that I read online and that people I know are telling.
About flooding
About being hungry
About not having water
About not having fuel.
People say that patience is wearing thin and people are getting antsy.
I can't even imagine with the cold that is supposed to hit over the next few days...
I send out positive thoughts to all those affected for a speedy recovery.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

A month to be grateful

there's lots of stuff swirling around in my head right now...
so I have decided that I need to refocus on the purpose of this blog...
so I am going to put out my challenge to myself out there...
I am going to blog, at least once a day, about what makes me grateful.
I don't promise prose and poetry every day, but I am going to use this as a way to refocus on the positives in my life...
Tonight, and always I am grateful for my husband..
He is my best friend,
My rock,
My sounding board,
My biggest supporter
and often my dose of reality...
He deals with all of the smiles, the tears, the mood swings and my crazy ideas...
He listens,,,even when I am upset and taking my mood out on him.
He hugs and kisses and tries to make it all better.
He spoils me..
he fights with me when I need him too..
he tells me he's proud of me...
He tells me when i am screwing up..
he is my life, my love.
My soul is entwined with his,
My heart beats in rhythm with his
My life would be incomplete without him.
I am grateful for him, today and every day.

Hugs and love to all of you!!