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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Day 8 : Someone who has made your life hell

We all have one person don't we.  One person who you have to think that you would be better off if your paths never crossed.  If you just hadn't been at that fill in the blank ( coffee shop, party, grocery store etc.) wouldn't your life get better.
I know I did.  It was at a party- it involved too much alcohol and turned two years of my life into hell.  He would show up at random times- the aftermath was never good.  Makeup only covers so much- and the emotional scars were the hardest to heal- sometimes, I am not sure that they ever will.
BUT...and this is a big BUT in all capital letters...
Since I can't wish away what happened (or even write about it really without knowing that the nightmares will come back)
it happened for a reason.
It was the reason that my dear, sweet, concerned friend, reached out to me, spent so much time with me, got to know me, pried everything out of me, comforted me and eventually, fell in love with me and asked me to marry him.  My dear sweet hubby, who was just a friend, went through that hell with me- he saw the aftermath and as hard as it was on me- he will never forget the looks on my face, he had to look at the bruises and he slept next to me so many nights because he wanted to be there to comfort me and hold me when the nightmares woke me up scared out of my mind.
It is the reason why the girls I worked with in the group home were able to open up to me and talk to me about some of the horrors they experienced- they knew that they were talking to someone who's soul was as battered as theirs.
It is the reason why I am the person that I am today- because it may have taken me a while- but I finally did something about it.  As terrified as I was about telling someone- I did- and you know what- they made it stop.  It renewed my faith in others and opened my eyes to way too many other people who have been through something similar.
It shaped my core- it shaped me as a person- it shaped my political beliefs- it shaped my outlook on life- he gave me a gift- wrapped up in more pain than I ever wanted to experience- he gave me the gift of compassion, understanding- he made me stand up for myself and made me realize that I was a fighter- I could make it through anything if I endured him.
So he made my life hell for a little while, left emotional scars that begin to heal and then rip open again, he made me not trust people for a little while and he made me have to get really good at putting on an "everything's fine face"- but he made me learn, appreciate and love- the lessons are easier to learn in other ways, but I don't know that I would have appreciated them quite as much.


  1. What a strong woman you are. And what a great guy you have! At least you broke the cycle. How many get out of one abusive relationship and get into another right away. They think that's all they are worth. I'm so happy that you have accepted and learned from this. Happy you have a wonderful man. And above all, happy that you in blog worold. Hugs..

  2. I can so relate to your beginning pain. I think you are very fortunate and resiliant to have come out of abuse with help in your heart. Help replaces hurt, gives purpose and you are so wise to have allowed yourself to be loved and given the chance to give back to others. Your man is just that a real man with a loving heart and you are blessed as is he.
    What a powerful story you shared. What a powerful woman you are. Blessings, The Olde Bagg

  3. What a beautiful story that I am sure was hard to share.

    Thank you for sharing.

  4. Thank you for sharing that we us, and how lucky were you to have such a wonderful friend, to help you get through that hell. And even more lucky that you are now man and wife. Glad you finally found happiness with your special man.

  5. You are a very strong woman. I am glad you are out of there but also glad that you can help others deal with their experiences.

    What a friend!

  6. you are showing everyday what an amazing and strong woman you are. thank you for sharing your story. i left an abusive marriage after 5 years so i understand how hard it was.