Saturday, November 6, 2010
Day 8 : Someone who has made your life hell
We all have one person don't we. One person who you have to think that you would be better off if your paths never crossed. If you just hadn't been at that fill in the blank ( coffee shop, party, grocery store etc.) wouldn't your life get better.
I know I did. It was at a party- it involved too much alcohol and turned two years of my life into hell. He would show up at random times- the aftermath was never good. Makeup only covers so much- and the emotional scars were the hardest to heal- sometimes, I am not sure that they ever will.
BUT...and this is a big BUT in all capital letters...
Since I can't wish away what happened (or even write about it really without knowing that the nightmares will come back)
it happened for a reason.
It was the reason that my dear, sweet, concerned friend, reached out to me, spent so much time with me, got to know me, pried everything out of me, comforted me and eventually, fell in love with me and asked me to marry him. My dear sweet hubby, who was just a friend, went through that hell with me- he saw the aftermath and as hard as it was on me- he will never forget the looks on my face, he had to look at the bruises and he slept next to me so many nights because he wanted to be there to comfort me and hold me when the nightmares woke me up scared out of my mind.
It is the reason why the girls I worked with in the group home were able to open up to me and talk to me about some of the horrors they experienced- they knew that they were talking to someone who's soul was as battered as theirs.
It is the reason why I am the person that I am today- because it may have taken me a while- but I finally did something about it. As terrified as I was about telling someone- I did- and you know what- they made it stop. It renewed my faith in others and opened my eyes to way too many other people who have been through something similar.
It shaped my core- it shaped me as a person- it shaped my political beliefs- it shaped my outlook on life- he gave me a gift- wrapped up in more pain than I ever wanted to experience- he gave me the gift of compassion, understanding- he made me stand up for myself and made me realize that I was a fighter- I could make it through anything if I endured him.
So he made my life hell for a little while, left emotional scars that begin to heal and then rip open again, he made me not trust people for a little while and he made me have to get really good at putting on an "everything's fine face"- but he made me learn, appreciate and love- the lessons are easier to learn in other ways, but I don't know that I would have appreciated them quite as much.