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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Friday, October 28, 2011

You know what they say about best laid plans....

they very rarely happen the way they are supposed to...
Today started very early this morning because David needed to be out of the house at five this morning.
Got up and started making lists to get organized for today's decorating.
Work was good this morning and I really felt like we had a good handle....we were providing lunch for the people who were helping to hold a meeting quick before we got started...
then the phone rang..
All I hear is crying and yelling in the back ground..
My cousin was on the phone...
Everyone was fine..
the rear tire and rim came off her car
At sixty five miles an hour on the highway...
The kids were freaking out
She was stuck on the side of the road
Tow truck was called..
Several cars pulled over
Helped her retrieve the tire 
the police officer drove her and the girls to the repair shop
the boy got to ride in the front seat of the wrecker...
I met her at the repair shop
Told the kids a story about an eagle, a mermaid and a bear
Buckled them in and brought them all to the office with me so that I could go supervise decorating.
I HATE when there are kids in the office and felt badly that others were having to deal with it..
But they were great with the kids and the kids had fun helping us...
They hung new pictures in my cubicle for me and gave all of my coworkers pictures too..
We got a lot accomplished and will finish it up on Sunday...after the five inches of snow we are supposed to get..
We all went out to dinner (a chinese buffet that I dislike immensely but the kids had fun...we will NOT be doing that again soon)..
Hubby is disappointed that we are missing out on our night alone tonight...
Everyone is grateful that the angels that walk with us were on her shoulder today and that everyone is safe..
I will gladly sacrifice  my night alone with my hubby for the hugs and the snuggles that I got and the ability I had to calm those children...
Tonight...there are special thoughts going to those who are watching over us....we know they are there and they reminded me today that while they don't walk with us physically anymore...they are always there when we need them...even if we don't know it..
hugs and love to you all...hope your weekend is full of fun and hopefully not the snow we are supposed to get!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday smiles

Week of ups and downs..
Lots of smiles..
Lots of snuggles
Lots of Auntie Nicole and Uncle David
Math homework
Kitty snuggles
Anxious faces waiting at the door
pizza for dinner tonight...even though it was late
A lunch date with my hubby
Kids saying eww when David gave me  a kiss goodnight
Girl talk
Planning outings with the kids that we have always wanted to do because we haven't gotten around to it
Halloween excitement
Listening to lots of giggles,
Seeing lots of smiles
Sharing secrets
Bath time hugs
Watching hubby interact with the kids
Knowing that tomorrow night when I come home from work they won't be here and knowing that, although we will enjoy the quiet, we will miss them a little bit
Good first week..
Hectic first week..
A week of adjustments...
A week of little voices and little hands
A week of trying to figure out boundaries
It's been a whirlwind of a ride...but there have been a hundred smiles...lots of laughter, lots of noise that has filled up the house...
Hoping that your weeks have been good..I know that there have been some struggles...I hope that you have found smiles in places where they have been least expected...hugs and lots of love to you all.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Day Four

Yesterday was one of those days..
Stressful at work...crazy and insane..
Home to kids waiting at the door.
Deep breaths...
Hubby came home and was cranky..it was tough for him to adjust...tough for him to be home with the kids..
We took a lunch break today together...and enjoyed the fact that the we were alone with uninterrupted time.
We are in full swing of Halloween organizing and trying to come up with a game plan for decorating..
This is the only holiday that work celebrates and each department picks a theme...
Ours, as you know, is the North Pole- the nice side and the naughty side..
I have my costume in my head....I need to make a toulle skirt.  I am not sure when that is going to be done..but it will be...
I googled makeup tonight and my cousin has said that she will do my makeup for me- we are going to do a trial run on Sunday night....so that should be fun..
We are adjusting...and yes, we are all still smiling..
Hope that you are doing well...
Hugs and lots of love to you all...

Monday, October 24, 2011

Day 2..coming home from work

Work was good today...I hit goal for the month so it should be a pretty solid month by the end of it....makes me happy.
I got a phone call on my way home asking me when I was going to be home so that my cousin could have dinner ready..
I wanna talk..
Auntie Nicole- how was your day.
Auntie Nicole- blah blah blah and a bunch of stuff that I can't understand...
I will bring you upstairs and you can talk to sissy
Sissy gets on the phone- lots of talking I can't understand
Let me talk to mommy-
I'll be home in twenty minutes.
Dinner on the table when i get home...amazing..
Auntie Nicole how was your day
How was work
What do you do
Where do you work
I answered their questions and asked some of my own
What did you do today?
Went to school
Cool- I start on Weds
snuggles with me and the cats under the comforter
Uncle David came home
They were attached to his hip
He was good..but tired
They are supposed to be in bed
I hear their giggles
Their little voices
Not wanting to go to sleep
Uncle David is up there now- trying to go to sleep- I fully expect to go up to bed in a little while with the kids passed out..
Good day and a good night...feels like a family...and I love it!

Monday Morning thought

From Positive Inspirational Quotes ( PIQ)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Chaos abounds

Well...it's Sunday night..
It still looks like a tornado has gone through some of my house...
I tripped over a shopping cart
Dropped a drawer on my foot
Cleaned up spilled popsicle, oatmeal, soda and brownies today
I picked up the same blanket five times
Almost hit a toy in the driveway
Wondered how the kids got outside
and chased a cat
I also got to hear Auntie Nicole called about fifty times in the cutest little voice and the smile that came back when I responded was priceless
I was told that my brownies were the best ever
I listened to the amazement in their voices as they realized that the stars in the ceiling glowed in the dark and listened as they found animals in the stars.
Had a shadow of a four year old who easily slipped her hand into mine all day today
I snuggled with the nine year old and looked at his binder from school last year
I saw the weight of the world lifted off my cousin's shoulders while we grocery shopped and meal planned
I watched my husband crouch down and talk with the kids
listen to them want to sit next to Uncle David at dinner
I watched him convince one of them to eat her potatoes
I listened as he riled them up and got them giggling after they got into bed.
I got after bath hugs and kisses and promises of snuggles and pictures tomorrow.
yes, my house is in chaos right now- but my brain feels better about the whole decision.
There are toys to be put away and a dresser that needs to be moved out of the hallway upstairs-
but my heart is happy, my soul is full and I know that there will be many more smiles, snuggles, hugs, kisses and giggles in my future...and there is nothing that is better than that.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


It is quite early here and I couldn't sleep...so instead of tossing and turning upstairs I came down to play on my computer...although i am really wondering where the ladder is so that I can go finish painting one of the upstairs bedrooms.
Day off yesterday was kind of a wash...had a ton to get done and didn't really have time to goof off as much as I wanted to...but still good to get it all done..
we went out for a lovely dinner last night...there was a place that we have been meaning to try that is on a farm- five course prix fix menu...it was yummy....I think hubby and I laughed more last night than we have in a while....we had wine and the ambiance was quite lovely..
I just wanted to drop by in case I get too busy to do so later...my cousin should be here with her kids probably around noon....wish me luck!
hugs and lots of love to you alll!!  Enjoy the weekend.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thursday's List

This week has been full of things to smile about...and some not too..

I did a pretty good job of concentrating on the things to smile about despite some complications at work
My cousin is moving in on Saturday..
The cleaning lady came in today and the house is sparkly...literally....it is awesome
I decided at the end of the day today that I am taking tomorrow off for my last me day for a little while....I was going to take a half day but decided when I clocked out with my hours and then some that I am going to sleep in a bit and then get started with a pedicure...and then drop off all the bags of stuff to goodwill..
My mother is amazingly supportive....I don't know what I would do without her...especially as it is becoming especially prevalent to me that not everyone has that from their parents..
We ate ice cream for dinner last night after a particularly rough day where apparently the only other thing I consumed was a whole lot of water and a yogurt in the morning...that's how I justified the calories from the ice cream I ate....hubby had a gross day too so it was just fitting to share the pint of ice cream with him (although I didn't plan on sharing initially)...I love nights like that...
My hubby surprised me with dinner tonight...
it is cold out...not something to especially smile about but my cats are super snuggly when it gets cold..which is definitely something to smile about..
I just talked to my bestest and oldest friend for over an hour on the phone..makes me feel like she is close to me...even though she is over 500 miles and 10 hours away.
My plane tickets are purchased for the week we are spending at my parents house for thanksgiving..
I am getting closer and closer to goal...hopefully by mid week next week I will be there...which is awesome!
As we were going through stuff last week I found an entire bag of stuffed animals that hold special meaning to me and when I started to have the internal debate about whether to keep them or send them off to goodwill to find new homes my hubby looked at me and told me I was crazy for even thinking of getting rid of them...I love that he can ready my mind like that.
I figured out my Halloween costume for work....which doesn't involve me sewing and will be super fun...
Halloween, which is a huge thing for my company and I am in charge of for my department, is coming together nicely...will be a lot of work next weekend but I have a vision..
That's all I have for tonight...I am going to go snuggle with my hubby.,..I hope that you all had lots of smiles this week and that they helped you all through some of the tougher parts of the week...hugs and lots of love to you all!!

Monday, October 17, 2011


I know that I promised you all pictures from the wedding...so here are some random pics of hubby and I...my jewelry and some of the delicious food that was served and me at the end of the night in the whole ensemble...

Sunday, October 16, 2011


That is the sound of the breath I have been holding for a week and a half..
Bedrooms are mostly cleaned out- and it didn't necessitate throwing away anything that I will be unhappy I parted with...
The down stairs is at a point that we will be able to get it done with a few hours of work this week..
My bedroom....well we aren't discussing that...but it i tell you that I broke a toe or a leg...don't be surprised :)
It was a good weekend this weekend...
We got a lot done and had some great conversations..
I realized this weekend how much we have grown up...
We have been married for eleven years...now I know that for some of you it's a drop in the bucket...but we have been married since I graduated from college.
The first place I moved when i moved out of the dorm was into an apartment with my husband..
When I was 22 years old, we were going to have one of those marriages that we did things together but maintained our independence too.
We have been through good times, bad times and everything in between.
I have learned a ton from him, about him and some times in spite of him.
At 22 I was fiercely independent and although I was madly in love with this man- I wanted to be able to see my friends and go out and have fun too...
Today...there is nothing I would rather do than curl up on the couch and watch a movie with him....trading in plane flights and hotel rooms for yoga pants and the comfort of my own house.
It's a balancing act for sure...I still want and need to spend time with my girlfriends...just not as much as before...
We are all scattered and at different points in our lives...but it is okay for me to say that I can't do something simply because i want to spend time with my hubby...
I have loved every minute I have spent with everyone I have gone away with in the past few months...but I have loved coming home to him even more.
I have learned that "us" is part of me and who I am.
Without the "us" I am incomplete.
I have learned that it is okay to walk out of a room without fighting back and he will follow me when he is ready.
I have learned what buttons to push and when to push them and for the most part what the reaction will be.
We have learned how to coexist in peace (most of the time) and that we can give each other space while sitting on opposite sides of the couch.
He goes to bed super early....I am a night owl.
He hates naps...Sunday afternoon that's what I do.
He showers in the morning to get going..I shower at night to be able to fall asleep.
He never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye and i never go to bed without kissing him goodnight.
Sometimes, we can read each others mind and other times we think we can and we are way off base.
We have fights...sometimes we pick them with each other because that's the only thing that will make us feel better...but he wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the top of the head afterwards..
He concentrates on the little things, the towel racks, spice racks, bill filing, while I tend to tackle the largest part of the project first.  He can drive me nuts and make me wonder what he is thinking...but I know that when I dump out a whole bunch of stuff in the middle of a room it drives him batty.

This weekend, we talked about what makes us really nervous about all of this...and we have agreed that mostly it's losing the comfort of our routine...and losing part of what makes us work...
We also talked about what we need to do to make sure that we don't lose it...and what we will do if we start to.
I realized this weekend how much we have grown up and how much we have evolved as people.  I realized how much of that has been because of each other.  I found wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures that we reminisced over this weekend...at how young we looked...how in love we were then.  How that love has changed and evolved and gotten better.
I let go of the breath that I was holding, because I know that he is right next to me...holding my hand and holding me up.
He is my best friend, my love, my partner and my life....I knew that eleven years I wanted to be married..to have a life with this man...but also wanted to take the world by storm...be my own person with him as someone to come home to.....and this weekend...I realized that while I still want to be me, he is as vital as my lungs, my heart, my brain in me functioning every day.  I still want to take the world by storm- just with him next to me, working with me, instead of doing it all by myself.


We got a lot done today....despite a rocky start..
Ladies- sorry to exclude the guys who read this-do you ever have a project that needs to get done with your significant other and it seems like they focus on the smallest most insignificant piece of the project.
Many of my friends and family experience this..
My dad was installing a new bathroom- needed to get everything put back together for a party my parents were having...last twenty four hours and instead of installing the last three tiles and the sink- he was cleaning out the magazine rack...
My husband's project today was a towel rack....in the downstairs bathroom...in addition to the one that was already there....he kept asking me where he should put it and when I would tell him he would say okay and measure and remeasure and ask again...
I finally went upstairs, managed to clean out an entire closet and half the room before he gave up on the towel rack and came up to help!!
I love him to pieces but I am reminded that I married someone just like my dad often!!
We made really good progress- the one room was entirely cleaned out except for the bed and the second room will only take about another hour tomorrow.  We do have some work to do in the den to get that cleaned up so that we can bring some of the stuff down that we want to have accessible and put it in there...
We still had time to watch a couple of episodes of True Blood tonight too...we just finished season 2...it's a fun but pretty hokey show....good stuff to just veg out to.
Lots of smiles today going through old pictures and memory stuff...a few tears...it was a nice trip down memory lane..
Lots of stuff to go to good will and lots of clearing out..which is good for us....the back room tended to be a catch all room so there was a lot in there that needed to be tossed out...
It's always nice to feel as if we have accomplished what we set out to do....tomorrow will be a few hours in the morning finishing..a bit of cleaning and then the rooms will be ready for them to move in...
Like my hubby said we aren't going to magically get everything done but at least they will all have spaces to call their own..
Hope that you all had a fantastic day...hugs and lots of love to all y'all.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Thursday's List

Well ..after a few blah blog posts...how about my smiles for the week??
Halloween planning is going well.  We are getting stuff done so hopefully we will be in a good place before Halloween.
My husband is my favorite person in the world..
not only is he beyond supportive in many ways..
He listens when I go crazy
deals with my mood swings
and snuggles with me to make me fall back asleep at night.
He made time for lunch when he didn't think h e was going to be able to this week
He brought home my favorite for dinner tonight
He will work his butt off this weekend to help get rooms cleaned out this weekend..
he is pretty fantastic..
The leaves are changing and the picture taking will be great when the sun comes out...hoping to get out and take some pictures this week..
I came home today to some great goodies from a few of my bloggy friends- thank  you so much...I love magnets for my fridge and have some new ones to add...i will post pictures soon..
The weather is nice and cool...which I normally don't like but I love snuggling under my comforters to stay nice and warm
I hope that your corners of the world are happy and peaceful and that you are doing well....sending lots of thoughts and love on the back of the moonbeams tonight to all of you!! Hugs and love!


Just a quick note to say thank to those who commented on my post last night and/or sent me an email...
There is too much time for me to think right now and I am definitely overthinking the whole thing.
I use this blog as a way to dump my feelings and lately they have been scattered but I appreciate the sounding board that you all provide for me....I promise that there are smiles that I will post about later...

Hope all is well in your little corners of the world...love and hugs

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

brain dump

has been overtaken by the voices in my head at this point.
I look around my very comfortable house and I see things that kids can break
or hurt themselves on
Scheduling trips to go away makes me wonder what they will do....where they will be
My head is reeling with
What if it goes horribly wrong
What if this isn't best
What if the people that I care about the most are right..
Those people, who will always challenge me and make me think of things that I don't think about are telling me to stop and think..
that's all I am doing is thinking
In the middle of the day
In the middle of the night
I know the reasons why we are doing it
When I express them to those I love the most, they listen
and then there is always something else.
I love these people because they challenge me.
I love these people because they know that most of the time I think with my heart and don't wait for my head to catch up
I love that they have yet to bring up something that my mind hasn't thought of..
that I haven't obsessed over
that I haven't dissected and put back together.
I know that these are the right decisions we are making..
and I love those around me who may not agree, but will support me anyway..
My head and my heart are at the point that says..just get it done already..
Just move in
Just let us get adjusted.
There are a million things, a million adjustments and I am sure things that no one has thought of...
a million reasons to be excited for this new adventure...
you know what my biggest fear is??
That it isn't going to be enough..
that she is too far gone to come  back
I am scared that no matter what we do or how we try to help...we will have to turn her away because she won't take the help as an opportunity to better her life.
I am scared of becoming one of "them"
Those people, who in their own ways love her, but have had to walk away because she won't help herself.
As much as I wish I could say that I can make it all better, I can't...
she has to do it on her own..
I can only provide a safe place for that to happen...
I just hope it's enough.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Lacking Motivation

I have today off.
It is currently two o'clock in the afternoon and I have gotten nothing done.
After a great weekend with some good friends, much needs to be accomplished as we pushed the list of things to do aside for a weekend of fun.
I have gotten nothing done.
The bedrooms needs to be cleaned out
Storage unit needs to be acquired
Closets need to be cleaned
The house in general needs to be cleaned
Laundry needs to be done and put away
My closet needs to be switched from summer to winter
Lots of stuff and no motivation.
Not entirely sure why..
is it because I know the days of doing nothing are numbered?
Is it because I simply need to veg for a little while?
Not entirely sure what the lack of motivation is...but I need to find it..sooner rather than later..
Today's tasks are small- clean out the bathroom closets and drawers
Kid Proof the medicine cabinet
Make dinner
That's it..
But tt's two o'clock in the afternoon and nothing has been done yet..

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Friday, October 7, 2011

Major Decisions

As many of you may remember, a few months ago I wrote about a certain family member of mine who was in a bad situation.
She has decided to move on from that situation...more specifically into our house.
We have had a standing offer to her that she can move in with her children to help her get out of that situation for a while now and she has finally decided to make that step.
She will be here in two weeks.
Now she has three little kids, 10, 4, 3.
Hubby and I live in an older house with three bedrooms...plenty of room..
We have no children.
Our house is NOT kid proof...in any way shape or form..
The other two bedrooms have become catch all spaces for all of our stuff...so we will be working on cleaning them out this weekend.
I am happy that she is making this step...
I am happy that her kids will finally have a little bit of stability and positive role modeling (I hope we can be anyway)
I am happy that I will be able to get them and her the counseling they so desperately need in order to ensure that they will grow up healthy and hopefully well adjusted.
I am happy to be able to be in a position to help.
And I am scared to death to have them move in here
Scared of the changes in the dynamic of the house
Scared of three children who will look to us for help
Scared of sharing the space.
Scared that this won't be enough for her to finally turn this corner and get better.
I am terrified that no matter what we do or how much we try to help that she will go back to him..
Scared that she won't like the "house" rules--of which there are really only two- he is not allowed anywhere near here and two no overnight guests
Scared that I won't be able to adjust to the new role...scared that I am going to have to be her mom and her confidante and that I won't be able to help her.
Scared that she is going to push it too far and i am going to have to be the bad guy and kick her out.
She's family...but that's not the only reason I have always offered her a place to stay..
She has been told since she was old enough to listen that she's only good when she's in a relationship
She's a failure if she doesn't have someone
That she's unlovable and worthless
The only way she can keep someone is if she (excuse me for the crudeness) spreads her legs and puts out.
Her self esteem is low, her self confidence is virtually nonexistant.
I want to be able to help her.
I know that it won't be easy
I know that we will fight and probably not always like each other.
I know that this will be a huge lifestyle change for everyone involved.
I just want her to finally learn that she is a beautiful, intelligent woman who made some bad choices, but that she can move forward and she deserves happiness.
I want her 10 year old boy to see how a man should treat a lady and know what a solid relationship looks like
I want the girls to know that life isn't about how much you can put out and being dependent on a man.
I want them all to know that people will love you no matter what your choices are...
No matter what has happened in the past, it is possible to learn, grown and move forward...
I want them all to have a future...happiness and love..
The balancing act may be challenging at times...I know this...
Making time for hubby and myself will be a priority..
I am glad we are doing this..
It will be fine...bumpy at first but it will smooth out...right??
I guess I am just so conflicted about the emotions right now....I can't explain them to myself or my hubby...
I guess I just want that crystal ball that will tell me that this is the right decision....for all of us.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wild week

We had a fabulous time at the wedding...
and yes I have pictures that I haven't uploaded yet from my camera..
I survived the entire day in my five inch heels...but man did it feel good to put flipflops on my feet on Sunday..
We stopped at my grandparent's house on Sunday on the way home to say goodbye to them as they head off on their new adventure.  They closed on their house they have lived in for fifty years and will be leaving the north on Saturday for warmer weather down south.  It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to them and to that house...lots of good memories there.
The cat survived the kennel...although he and the others have spent the last two days hissing at each other..
The weather has turned cold up here and fall is definitely in full swing.  We are headed up Mount Washington in New Hampshire this weekend...which promises to be a good time.  We are taking the auto road up which we have never done.  Can't wait to take lots of pictures of the scenery..
Work is still crazy and Halloween prep is in full swing.
We spray painted three hundred snow flakes tonight...which was interesting..
Our theme this year for Halloween is the North Pole- the nice and the naughty side.
It will be good and hopefully will come out the way I am picturing everything in my head and will earn us first place in our decorating competition- first prize is seven hundred and fifty dollars to the Maine charity of our choice...so that would be good.
I love doing stuff like this but I gotta tell you...I HATE Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving.  Sorry Skippy, but it's true.  It just gets earlier and earlier every single year and I actually walked out of a store the other day because they had a full Christmas display up.....and here I am in charge of decorating like Christmas...oh well..should be fun anyway...or it gives me a creative outlet...which I will take!
That's all I got tonight...I hope that your corners of the world are a bit warmer than mine and that you are all doing well.  I have been bad about commenting on blogs the last week or so because I have just not wanted to get on the computer at night....I will get better...promise...know that I am reading in the few minutes that I have during the day to stay updated on your lives...enjoy the changing of the seasons and the green grass that's still out there...because before too much longer there will be snow...hugs love and peace to you all..

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Just a quick tidbit

So we are currently sitting in the hotel room...starting to get ready for this wedding.
My husband's shirt needs to be ironed.
I have never ironed a dress shirt....ever..
I don't own an iron or an ironing board.
My way of ironing is throwing something in the dryer with a damp towel..
He knows this...
However, just told me that because I am a woman I should know how to iron.
It didn't work out so well for him...