About Me

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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Day 30

This has been an interesting month,
coming up with one thing a day that I am grateful for.
there are so many things in my life that I am truly blessed and in awe of every single day.
Today, on this last day of November,
there is one thing that I always remember.
Life is not a guarantee.
There have been many twists and turns on this journey and not so many years ago I learned that there is nothing that promises that you will be here tomorrow.
A diagnosis of a brain tumor,
the medicine that was administered,
the many appointments that held disappointing news.
At an age where so many of my friends were finding their way,
starting new families,
I was struggling to stay alive.
I struggle, fought, screamed, cried and made bargains with a higher power I wasn't even sure existed.
I hid the darkest thoughts from all those around me because if I let it show, then it was real.
I found an online community that had people who were going through the same thing and I found my voice.
I found others who were fighting just as hard,
some who won their fights,
others who did not.
I remember all their names.
We cried together,
shared our hopes and dreams along with our deepest fears.
I learned from that time in my life that you can't take anything for granted.
Although I am sure I would have learned many different life lessons if it hadn't been the hand that I was dealt, part of me is grateful that it was.
I learned that I was a strong woman.
I learned that you need to fight for everything you want.
I learned that being stubborn may not be the most attractive attribute, but sometimes it is all that can get you through.
I learned that you need to love every day.
you need to speak that love to those around you because there will come a time when you are unable.
I learned that it's okay to ask for help.  There are times when the help of others lets you reserve your energy for the important fight.
I learned that there are people who won't know what to say or how to act, and sometimes they are the people that you want to rely on the most.
I learned to forgive.  Forgive those perceived wrongs, forgive those who may not always live up to your expectations.
I learned that it's not always going to be the way you want it to be.  If life was perfect and you  had the house with the white picket fence, the wonderful job and the picture perfect family it might be boring.
For me, although the fight was hell and there were many times that giving up seemed to be the only option, the people who surrounded me with love and support were what kept me standing.  They made me fight for one more day.
The day that I looked a doctor in the eye and told him that while I valued his opinion but I was determined to prove him wrong was one that I will look back on with pride and a little bit of awe.
I am grateful for the journey that I have traveled so far and am grateful for every single day that I can take one more step down that path.
I don't know what life has in store for me or those that I care about, but I know that they are there cheering me on, holding me up and walking with me.
I am grateful for who experience has made me and for every single opportunity that comes my way.

Hugs and love to you all tonight!

1 comment:

  1. So grateful that I have met you in this little blogging community.
    You are truly inspirational and an awesome friend