whoosh...

That is the sound of the breath I have been holding for a week and a half..
Bedrooms are mostly cleaned out- and it didn't necessitate throwing away anything that I will be unhappy I parted with...
The down stairs is at a point that we will be able to get it done with a few hours of work this week..
My bedroom....well we aren't discussing that...but it i tell you that I broke a toe or a leg...don't be surprised :)
It was a good weekend this weekend...
We got a lot done and had some great conversations..
I realized this weekend how much we have grown up...
We have been married for eleven years...now I know that for some of you it's a drop in the bucket...but we have been married since I graduated from college.
The first place I moved when i moved out of the dorm was into an apartment with my husband..
When I was 22 years old, we were going to have one of those marriages that we did things together but maintained our independence too.
We have been through good times, bad times and everything in between.
I have learned a ton from him, about him and some times in spite of him.
At 22 I was fiercely independent and although I was madly in love with this man- I wanted to be able to see my friends and go out and have fun too...
Today...there is nothing I would rather do than curl up on the couch and watch a movie with him....trading in plane flights and hotel rooms for yoga pants and the comfort of my own house.
It's a balancing act for sure...I still want and need to spend time with my girlfriends...just not as much as before...
We are all scattered and at different points in our lives...but it is okay for me to say that I can't do something simply because i want to spend time with my hubby...
I have loved every minute I have spent with everyone I have gone away with in the past few months...but I have loved coming home to him even more.
I have learned that "us" is part of me and who I am.
Without the "us" I am incomplete.
I have learned that it is okay to walk out of a room without fighting back and he will follow me when he is ready.
I have learned what buttons to push and when to push them and for the most part what the reaction will be.
We have learned how to coexist in peace (most of the time) and that we can give each other space while sitting on opposite sides of the couch.
He goes to bed super early....I am a night owl.
He hates naps...Sunday afternoon that's what I do.
He showers in the morning to get going..I shower at night to be able to fall asleep.
He never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye and i never go to bed without kissing him goodnight.
Sometimes, we can read each others mind and other times we think we can and we are way off base.
We have fights...sometimes we pick them with each other because that's the only thing that will make us feel better...but he wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the top of the head afterwards..
He concentrates on the little things, the towel racks, spice racks, bill filing, while I tend to tackle the largest part of the project first.  He can drive me nuts and make me wonder what he is thinking...but I know that when I dump out a whole bunch of stuff in the middle of a room it drives him batty.

This weekend, we talked about what makes us really nervous about all of this...and we have agreed that mostly it's losing the comfort of our routine...and losing part of what makes us work...
We also talked about what we need to do to make sure that we don't lose it...and what we will do if we start to.
I realized this weekend how much we have grown up and how much we have evolved as people.  I realized how much of that has been because of each other.  I found wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures that we reminisced over this weekend...at how young we looked...how in love we were then.  How that love has changed and evolved and gotten better.
I let go of the breath that I was holding, because I know that he is right next to me...holding my hand and holding me up.
He is my best friend, my love, my partner and my life....I knew that eleven years I wanted to be married..to have a life with this man...but also wanted to take the world by storm...be my own person with him as someone to come home to.....and this weekend...I realized that while I still want to be me, he is as vital as my lungs, my heart, my brain in me functioning every day.  I still want to take the world by storm- just with him next to me, working with me, instead of doing it all by myself.