About Me

My photo
Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Major Decisions

As many of you may remember, a few months ago I wrote about a certain family member of mine who was in a bad situation.
She has decided to move on from that situation...more specifically into our house.
We have had a standing offer to her that she can move in with her children to help her get out of that situation for a while now and she has finally decided to make that step.
She will be here in two weeks.
Now she has three little kids, 10, 4, 3.
Hubby and I live in an older house with three bedrooms...plenty of room..
We have no children.
Our house is NOT kid proof...in any way shape or form..
The other two bedrooms have become catch all spaces for all of our stuff...so we will be working on cleaning them out this weekend.
I am happy that she is making this step...
I am happy that her kids will finally have a little bit of stability and positive role modeling (I hope we can be anyway)
I am happy that I will be able to get them and her the counseling they so desperately need in order to ensure that they will grow up healthy and hopefully well adjusted.
I am happy to be able to be in a position to help.
And I am scared to death to have them move in here
Scared of the changes in the dynamic of the house
Scared of three children who will look to us for help
Scared of sharing the space.
Scared that this won't be enough for her to finally turn this corner and get better.
I am terrified that no matter what we do or how much we try to help that she will go back to him..
Scared that she won't like the "house" rules--of which there are really only two- he is not allowed anywhere near here and two no overnight guests
Scared that I won't be able to adjust to the new role...scared that I am going to have to be her mom and her confidante and that I won't be able to help her.
Scared that she is going to push it too far and i am going to have to be the bad guy and kick her out.
She's family...but that's not the only reason I have always offered her a place to stay..
She has been told since she was old enough to listen that she's only good when she's in a relationship
She's a failure if she doesn't have someone
That she's unlovable and worthless
The only way she can keep someone is if she (excuse me for the crudeness) spreads her legs and puts out.
Her self esteem is low, her self confidence is virtually nonexistant.
I want to be able to help her.
I know that it won't be easy
I know that we will fight and probably not always like each other.
I know that this will be a huge lifestyle change for everyone involved.
I just want her to finally learn that she is a beautiful, intelligent woman who made some bad choices, but that she can move forward and she deserves happiness.
I want her 10 year old boy to see how a man should treat a lady and know what a solid relationship looks like
I want the girls to know that life isn't about how much you can put out and being dependent on a man.
I want them all to know that people will love you no matter what your choices are...
No matter what has happened in the past, it is possible to learn, grown and move forward...
I want them all to have a future...happiness and love..
The balancing act may be challenging at times...I know this...
Making time for hubby and myself will be a priority..
I am glad we are doing this..
It will be fine...bumpy at first but it will smooth out...right??
I guess I am just so conflicted about the emotions right now....I can't explain them to myself or my hubby...
I guess I just want that crystal ball that will tell me that this is the right decision....for all of us.


  1. Yes, some decisions are so big you do want a crystal ball. You are doing this for many good, decent and loving reasons. This thought alone can give you peace no matter how it all turns out. God bless.

  2. You'll be fine. In fact, I suspect you'll be great at this. You and your husband have wonderful, gracious hearts and it great thing that you are doing.

    Don't worry about the house being child proofed [too much - Move your breakables, but as long as the kids are being attended to you don't have to plug every socket or cushion every sharp corner. They are pretty big kids.] We never child proofed a thing - and look! They all lived! heehee

    And your rules [those are rules?] are easily abided by. She would do good to listen to those two simple things. They are in her best interest.

    Take care and don't worry. I am sure it will be just fine.

  3. This reminds me of my story of when I moved in with Doris and John after I had Michael. Total strangers who did basically what you are doing. I can't tell you what that year with them did for me. While I was pretty self confident, I also saw what a happy couple acted like, what helping others was all about and how to get on my feet again when my family turned their backs on me. You are both very special people to do this and I believe she will benefit as well as the kids. So proud of you! Pay it forward! Here's the link. It's in 3 parts but this should remind you that what you're doing is the greatest gift you can give someone regardless of the outcome.


    Hugs and much love my friend!

  4. Hi Col. What a brilliantly written post today my friend. I am so proud of you for doing this. Believe me, you will be absolutely fine. You have a kind, caring and generous heart, and the lady and the three little ones will be so pleased to be surrounded by such love at this worrying time in their lives. I wish you and hubby good luck, and I know that you will keep us posted on how things are going. I wish there were more people like you in the world. Hugs.

  5. What a warm heart to want to help. It will work and you are correct, it won't be easy.

    House rules will have to be made, so true. It will be a change for every one.

    With your wisdom, you can give this family a chance to live with love and no fear. Thank you.

  6. God bless you for what you are willing to do for her and I would feel exactly as you do about the idea of having little ones in a house that had none just like mine. I applaud you you and your hubby for taking this step.