Just stuff

This has been a crazy insane week and I can't even tell you how much i am looking forward to a few days off.
A break from the norm
Time spent with my family (inlaws)...
Kinda scary when I am actually looking forward to going up there...
I am craving the idea of family and somewhere in my head I have put away all the bad things that go on while we are there and romanticized that a little bit.
I always do it at Christmas time and then end up calling my mom and dad and crying because I am not with them on Christmas..
I have a renewed spirit of just enjoying the time that I have with the kids and my sister in law and ignoring all the rest of the drama.
I have nothing fun for my hubby for under the Christmas tree this year.
He doesn't understand why I worry about the perfect fun Christmas gift for him.
I laugh, because honestly it's not about the stuff...
It's about the whimsy of it...
I am not a material person, really, at all.
I can appreciate the spirit and the meaning behind Christmas, both the religious and cultural meaning, spending time with family and friends, together and if you are religious the beliefs of the birth of Christ.
I remember the magic of Christmas morning in our house.
We weren't allowed downstairs until after my parents had turned on the coffee and somewhere in my mom's closet is a picture from every single Christmas with us sitting at the top of the stairs in our pj's waiting.
The magic of walking downstairs and the belief that some magical being had brought presents- whether there was one or many.
I think part of me at Christmas time misses the feeling of magic.
I love the fact that we alternate years with the families
I love the look on the kids faces and sometimes just want to look at them and say soak it all in.
I love the Christmas tree that is lit in my living room right now, because for me that is a gift that is pure love...that is my husband knowing that no matter how much I say I don't want one and that it's silly to get one because we won't be here that I do want one....that I love to look at it and turn the lights on and know that it is part of what makes this house ours.
I think part of my melancholy this Christmas is that I actually thought that there would be kids here, in this house, celebrating the Christmas holiday with us.
That we would hear the laughter, see the smiles and somehow capture the magic of Santa right here...
So my Christmas wish for all of you is that you are able to capture some of the magic of Christmas again...that  you feel some of the whimsy of Christmas- with or without the materialism and consumerism of Christmas- but that you are able to capture some peace of the season, celebrate the religious part of the holiday if you choose to, and that for one moment, believe in the laughter, the smiles and the magic of the season.