First of all...
thank you...
as always...
for being supportive...
for hearing what i am saying and being there anyway...
For letting me step out of my norm and write down my feelings..
And for making me feel better.
I know that we have done everything we can..
just hurts..
but I have picked myself up...with the help of you all
and my wonderful husband who has just held me
Who has gotten upset
Who has been by my side through all of this
My parents who have done nothing but try to make me feel better about all of it..
I know that you can't save everyone...
It's the letting go part of it that's so hard..
But she made her own choices and wouldn't take the life line that we offered..
other's made it too easy for her to leave...
because it's easier to just give in instead of towing a hard line
I am trying to put the pieces back together of my heart..
I am trying to slam the door shut
It will not be open again to her.
Not in the same way
If my husband had his way, it would never be open at all...
We have found out that she did a really good job of playing us while she was here..
She needs more help than we are able to give...
The things that we have found out about the relationships she had, the men she talked to and the number of people who, at the very least, knew where she was....honestly it makes my stomach turn a bit...
and it's time to let it go.
I know that we did the best we could...
I know that there was nothing else we could do...not for lack of trying but because she didn't want to change.
I will still cry
I will probably still write about it..
She took away a part of me that thought that everyone was savable...
that everyone given the opportunity would want to be better...
That everyone would put children first because they didn't ask to be born...
There was a part of me that honestly believed that everyone could be saved...
now I know that they have to want it...
Please bear with me for just a little while longer...
I am trying to reconcile all of that right now....
hubby did make me smile yesterday...
we went out to lunch and went to the movies- had a "normal" Sunday afternoon
It was nice...and was my reason to smile..he is my rock...
Love and hugs to you all...
About Me
- colenic
- Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.
hugs right back to you. glad you have your hubby for support.
ReplyDeleteThat is really awesome.
ReplyDeleteProps to your husband!
Not everyone can be what you want or expect them to be Col. I am just sorry that she had such a profound effect on you and you were hurt so badly.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is because not much surprises me anymore, but she had failure written all over her, even given the chances, the fabulous chances she was offered. Some people only look out for number #1 [themselves] regardless of whether they have children. These are also the same people that profess to have been the best Mothers when their children were young. You watch [I see it all the time] she'll rewrite history. And if those kids fall through the cracks she won't take responsibility, she will simply say "I did the best I could. I was a good Mom." They all do.
But, that is NOT your problem. Please remember that. It is just the way some people are and it is easier to know it and accept it than try and change them.
Now how about a movie review girlie? It sounds like you had a great time and with all the new [good!] movies out I would love to hear about what you saw.
Hugs & love to you!
Hi Col. I am so very sorry that you have been so hurt over this. It doesn't matter what any of us say here, the hurt will still be there. BUT, always remember that you could have done no more, or given no more. It really is the children I feel so desperately sorry for, and I'm sure that you feel the same way. Some people just can't be be helped. Most of us would always put our children's feelings first, but not everyone is like that. I can never personally understand people like that, but she is obviously one of those people. I am so, so glad that you have that wonderful husband to lean on and always be there for you. Just take one day at a time, but try not to be too hard on yourself. No=one could have done any more my friend. If you want to write about it again, please do so. We don't mind!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteYou are one awesome lady and your hubby sounds like a gem. Don't let this incident change you! You're a beautiful person Nic! Hugs and love.
ReplyDelete