Goodbye to 2011

This is the last post of 2011.
It has been a year of ups and downs..
I finished school and got my Master's Degree
I applied for a new job that I would have been qualified for but didn't get
Had a great year at work as far as goals were concerned and stayed on top
We reached out a hand to a family member
Made some great memories with her and her kids in the short time they were here
But she walked away from the chance we gave her.
We made some improvements on the house
I knocked down some walls
Painted a few rooms
Created a new bathroom
Cleaned out some rooms
Worked together
We learned some valuable lessons this year.
Together we can make things happen
Not everything will turn out the way you want them to
There are people out there who won't chose the path you want them to
and looking at their backs as they walk away can break your heart.
My husband has been my rock, my sounding board, my balance and is still my best friend
I have lost a few very important people in my life,
some to illnesses and some completely unexpectedly.
It has been a whirlwind...
and no matter what, at midnight, the calendar will flip to a new year.
Who knows what the year will bring...
I do know that it will be wrought with challenges,
some to be faced head on
and some that will need sneak attacks
but at the end of the day,
the challenges will be met,
angels will walk next to me,
and this time next year, hopefully, I will be older, wiser and have some more accomplishments under my belt.
To all of you in the blog world,
thank you for taking this ride with me,
for reading,
for commenting,
for giving your opinions
and for always supporting me.
The year will bring more posts,
more smiles,
more tears,
more laughter.
hang on- cause the ride continues..and I thank you all for riding with me.
I wish you all peace and happiness this year.
I hope you are all safe in your celebrations,
I hope you find that dreams come true this year
and I look forward to sharing your smiles, your laughter and your tears with you.
Tonight, as the fireworks sparkle in the sky, I wish you peace, love, happiness and look forward to the year to come!!
From our house to yours- Happy 2012!

Opinions needed

Okay- so we have our national sales meeting in a month.  The theme for our awards dinner is Hollywood red carpet and I have been looking for a dress.  I have narrowed it down to a few different options- Can you let me know which one you like the best (or two).  Thanks guys!! I promise a real post soon!

Dress 1

Dress 2

Dress 3

Dress 4

Dress 5

Dress 6

all dresses and pics from http://www.nexteve.com/

Thursday's Smile

Some pictures

Some random pictures from the past few days....

Hubby and Nan

Aunt Gayle, My mother in law and the newest baby

Santa's little helper

Santa came to my inlaws house

My oldest nephew opening his present

My youngest nephew and his favorite present

Santa came to my house

Hubby opening his present

Me opening my new griddle (YAY)

Kitty enjoying the paper

Merry Christmas

I hope that you all had a wonderful morning.
Wishing you all a very very Merry Christmas today.
Love and hugs...

Merry Christmas Eve!!

The pitter patter of feet

Auntie, please

Unckie can I 

The unexpected snuggles and hugs

The sounds of kids in the morning

Wrapping of presents

One last present that no one could find

Walmart and the craziness there

Hanging out in comfy clothes

The excitement for Christmas morning

It's been full of smile..

Some tears today..

the magic is here....and I am grateful for these people, who sometimes drive me nuts, who have become family. 

My mother in law choked up last night as we were talking about the last few months and for the first time ever, I felt like she considered me one of her kids.

that my dear friends is an amazing Christmas present...and one that is so unexpected that just thinking about it makes me tear up.

Wishes of magic, love and laughter today and always.

Love and hugs from all of us.

Thursday's list

How is everyone on this longest day of the year???
Today was my last day of work for five whole days...I am pretty excited.
The person I had as a secret santa loved their gifts- which always makes me smile
Hubby and I spent the evening together, first eating dinner at one of our fav places and then we went to BJ's to get appetizers for the weekend...fun stuff..I tell you
My cats are all curled up and snoring quite loudly.
The last christmas gifts are wrapped and packed up to head up north tomorrow
We have the weekend with some kiddos who are awfully excited to see us, wanting to know exactly when we are going to be there..
I hope that you are all well and things are falling together for your holiday weekend..
i will check in when I can up north...hugs and love to you all.

Just stuff

This has been a crazy insane week and I can't even tell you how much i am looking forward to a few days off.
A break from the norm
Time spent with my family (inlaws)...
Kinda scary when I am actually looking forward to going up there...
I am craving the idea of family and somewhere in my head I have put away all the bad things that go on while we are there and romanticized that a little bit.
I always do it at Christmas time and then end up calling my mom and dad and crying because I am not with them on Christmas..
I have a renewed spirit of just enjoying the time that I have with the kids and my sister in law and ignoring all the rest of the drama.
I have nothing fun for my hubby for under the Christmas tree this year.
He doesn't understand why I worry about the perfect fun Christmas gift for him.
I laugh, because honestly it's not about the stuff...
It's about the whimsy of it...
I am not a material person, really, at all.
I can appreciate the spirit and the meaning behind Christmas, both the religious and cultural meaning, spending time with family and friends, together and if you are religious the beliefs of the birth of Christ.
I remember the magic of Christmas morning in our house.
We weren't allowed downstairs until after my parents had turned on the coffee and somewhere in my mom's closet is a picture from every single Christmas with us sitting at the top of the stairs in our pj's waiting.
The magic of walking downstairs and the belief that some magical being had brought presents- whether there was one or many.
I think part of me at Christmas time misses the feeling of magic.
I love the fact that we alternate years with the families
I love the look on the kids faces and sometimes just want to look at them and say soak it all in.
I love the Christmas tree that is lit in my living room right now, because for me that is a gift that is pure love...that is my husband knowing that no matter how much I say I don't want one and that it's silly to get one because we won't be here that I do want one....that I love to look at it and turn the lights on and know that it is part of what makes this house ours.
I think part of my melancholy this Christmas is that I actually thought that there would be kids here, in this house, celebrating the Christmas holiday with us.
That we would hear the laughter, see the smiles and somehow capture the magic of Santa right here...
So my Christmas wish for all of you is that you are able to capture some of the magic of Christmas again...that  you feel some of the whimsy of Christmas- with or without the materialism and consumerism of Christmas- but that you are able to capture some peace of the season, celebrate the religious part of the holiday if you choose to, and that for one moment, believe in the laughter, the smiles and the magic of the season.

Hubby came home on Friday night with a nine foot Christmas tree.  It was seven feet around.  A bit insane as it was the week before Christmas and I had insisted on not getting a Christmas tree this year because we aren't going to be home for Christmas- but like a good hubby- he didn't listen...and I love drinking hot cocoa by the light of the Christmas tree...some pics for you to enjoy!!

Putting up the lights- over 1100 of them

Close up- might be my christmas card next year.

Just a cute random picture of my cat who had found a left over boa from Halloween

The view from my dining room- just to give a bit of scale to the tree!

Power Button

Now many of you know that I work in sales
I am on the telephone every single day
I make usually over 50 calls a day to people
And I have found a disturbing trend as of late when it comes to cell phones.
Now cell phones have been around for many years, as a matter a fact, some people claim that radios that were used in the 1940's were the origin of the technology that cell phone were based on (quick google search is my source for this).
But over the last fifteen years, cell phones have evolved from bulky horrid phones to virtual computers in the palm of your hands.
The one thing that all of these phones and radios even have in common is the ability to be SHUT OFF.
I find that many people have an issue with turning off a cell phone.
There was a point in time when you couldn't get in touch with someone twenty four/seven
Where you weren't expected to be reachable at any point in time.
So, while calling people all day, I often hear "I can't talk right now, I'm in a meeting"
or
"I'm driving"
sometimes
" I just got pulled over, let me call you back:
Okay...so not the ideal time to answer the phone but if the cell phone is the way you get your business I almost get it.
Lately, there have been some doozies
One of my colleagues called someone.
He couldn't talk
He was in the middle of a funeral
To that I say TURN OFF YOUR PHONE
There is nothing that is that important
Tonight, my last call of the day
A guy that I have been trying to get signed up for our program for a few months
Called because I know that I can only reach him after business hours
He answered the phone
Hi Nicole
Hi, calling to check on the application
I was working on it but I am in the hospital
Oh no, I hope everything is okay
Yep, my wife is in labor, we are at the hospital and she will be having the baby soon. She's eight centimeters dilated
What?
Yep, she's having our first child tonight- she went into labor this afternoon
Okay, well I will let you go
I am really working on the application- I will get it to you on Monday
Well, I think you have something more important than a gas card going on right now.
Well, I will definitely call you on monday- I can tell you if it's a boy or a girl and we can get this card program set up.
I got off the phone.
Chuckled a bit to myself and thought, if we are ever in that situation and my husband had the nerve to answer a cell phone call he wouldn't see the cell phone again until the child turned eighteen I would shove it so far down his throat.
Seriously people, I am all for modern convenience
I am all for being able to multitask and do more than one thing at a time
I am all for people being reachable and not tethered to a desk
but there is a power button for a reason.
Or, if you are really that concerned with a phone call you might miss while you are witnessing perhaps the most spectacular miracle of your life, put the phone on silent and call back after your wife has a baby.
I am truly thankful for all of the modern technology in this world, but I sometimes wonder if we are missing out on what's actually going on in life because we are so worried about missing something.

love and hugs to all of you...have a great weekend!

Thursday's List

I didn't think I was going to post tonight...
it was one of "those" days...
but I do have an entire post about when it is absolutely mandatory that you shut off your cell phone based on calls I made today....
But I got home tonight and hubby met me in the driveway and told me I "needed" to see this house that was decorated for Christmas.
So we hopped back in the car and we drove
and drove
and drove
until we got to this house
and drove past it
and turned around
and hubby realized that the radio station  that the billboard in front of the house was synced with the music
so we turned around again
and drove back
and sat and listened to the music and watched the christmas lights
It was pretty funny..
I mean we've all seen them on the internet but it was kinda cool seeing them in person
And then we went out for dinner
And then we went to a big box store that makes me want to scratch my eyes out most times and the year, especially this time of year because of the insanity yell loudly when I go in there.
And it wasn't crowded
And we got some more Christmas shopping done
And we got the cats the food they need
And then we came home.
It was one of those nights...that could have been just a continuation of my really crappy day...that turned out really great...
You must be sick of hearing about how wonderful my hubby is...but I think with all the upheaval in our lives lately I need to be reminded how wonderful he is...so by default you all get to hear it too :)
Sending out love and positive energy to all of you....hugs and peace tonight...

Weekend

It has been a quiet one around here this weekend...
we haven't gone anywhere or done anything exciting.
I got a bunch of christmas shopping done on Friday...
Not quite all of it but close..
Need to get stuff for hubby...he's always the hardest to shop for..
I ran out of tape or everything would be wrapped.
We should have gone to the grocery store...
We should have made it to the dollar store (at least for tape)
But instead we spent the weekend snuggled up on the couch watching movies
We have caught up on laundry and dishes
I had a Sunday afternoon nap and he watched his war movies...
Things are back to normal...
It's kinda nice...
Hugs and love to all of you....

Thursday's List

It's been a rough week...
and I am still a bit rough around the edges...but it's getting better..
Smiles this week
All of you and your support.  I can't thank you all enough
Starting my Christmas shopping and still not stepping foot in a store (I LOVE the internet...although I will be shopping tomorrow in real stores)
A decent week at work...not spectacular but definitely okay
Coming home to a quiet house with just my hubby here
Watching grown up tv all week - no spongebob at all!!
My cats are back to their normal snuggly selves- spending time downstairs again instead of huddled up on the bed
Good talks with some great friends this week
Half day of work tomorrow to go brave the stores
My wonderful husband who supports me no matter what and deals with my emotional swings, who gets upset and angry and feels like he needs to defend my honor, who gives the best hugs in the world and always knows what I need..
It's been a pretty good week on all accounts.
I have remembered that everything in life happens for a reason- I don't know what it is right now but I know that there is a reason.  There are always lessons to be learned- and although my heart is hurt- I know that the lessons will be prevalent soon enough..
There are lots of readers who need extra hugs and positive energy right now- so I am mustering all I can for all of you.  Know that I am thinking about you and hoping that all works out well.  Love and lots of hugs!!

Wordless Wednesday

Source

Better

First of all...
thank you...
as always...
for being supportive...
for hearing what i am saying and being there anyway...
For letting me step out of my norm and write down my feelings..
And for making me feel better.
I know that we have done everything we can..
just hurts..
but I have picked myself up...with the help of you all
and my wonderful husband who has just held me
Who has gotten upset
Who has been by my side through all of this
My parents who have done nothing but try to make me feel better about all of it..
I know that you can't save everyone...
It's the letting go part of it that's so hard..
But she made her own choices and wouldn't take the life line that we offered..
other's made it too easy for her to leave...
because it's easier to just give in instead of towing a hard line
I am trying to put the pieces back together of my heart..
I am trying to slam the door shut
It will not be open again to her.
Not in the same way
If my husband had his way, it would never be open at all...
We have found out that she did a really good job of playing us while she was here..
She needs more help than we are able to give...
The things that we have found out about the relationships she had, the men she talked to and the number of people who, at the very least, knew where she was....honestly it makes my stomach turn a bit...
and it's time to let it go.
I know that we did the best we could...
I know that there was nothing else we could do...not for lack of trying but because she didn't want to change.
I will still cry
I will probably still write about it..
She took away a part of me that thought that everyone was savable...
that everyone given the opportunity would want to be better...
That everyone would put children first because they didn't ask to be born...
There was a part of me that honestly believed that everyone could be saved...
now I know that they have to want it...
Please bear with me for just a little while longer...
I am trying to reconcile all of that right now....
hubby did make me smile yesterday...
we went out to lunch and went to the movies- had a "normal" Sunday afternoon
It was nice...and was my reason to smile..he is my rock...
Love and hugs to you all...

This may be what a broken heart feels like...

The kids just left...
Someone is picking them up to bring them back down..
I have been so good about all of this
It's for the best
She wants what she wants and there's nothing I can do...
They are her kids,
It's her life
It's her decision
Getting them ready
One last hug and kiss
maybe one more
I love you Aunt Nicole- see you in a couple of days
No you won't
Why not, mommy will bring us back
No, you are moving back there
Auntie Nicole- I love you
Auntie Nicole- thank you
Auntie Nicole- I will miss you
How do you pour every ounce of love into one hug
one kiss
How does a three year old understand why you can't tuck her in tonight
Or a four year old know that you won't see them next week
The nine year old understands and resigns himself to just one more person who was in his life and who he was taken away from
I knew that this was going to be hard-
I knew that this was going to break my heart
I can't believe that I didn't fight harder for them to stay instead of just accepting it
I can't believe that I am letting them leave without having somewhere to go
As I sit, trying to pull it together so I can stop crying, my brain knows that there was nothing I can do..
but my heart just broke into a thousand pieces..

Another Month End and thursday's list

Another month is officially over at work...
I made goal by the skin of my teeth...
Stressful..
But we get to start with a clean slate tomorrow...
I haven't done a list on thursday in a while..
so my smiles..
Spending last week with my family...
Getting to talk with my mom
Spending time with my dad
laughing with my brother and seeing how happy he is..
Snuggles with my nieces and nephews
Spending time alone with my hubby...
knowing that there is an end in sight to the craziness at my house...
Finally relaxing enough to have fun..
Smile and laugh and snuggle with kids
Joke around and talk with my cousin
The emotions and feelings have been pushed aside for right now...
I am excited to get my house back...
Excited to come home from work and it just be the two of us...
I will miss the smiles
the laughter
the hugs
the giggles
the surprises
but there have been lessons learned and things discussed...
And one day...we will look back and know the reason and the lessons and the reasons...
Until then, smiles will come...in a hundred different ways...
Hugs, love and lots of peace your way tonight..