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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hard to come by

WARNING: This is a blog post about work and it's kinda whiny and a huge downer...therapy comes in the form of writing so feel free to skip this....

When the tears come more naturally than the smiles, the sarcastic comments more often than the happy ones, when the pit of my stomach has knots instead of a content feeling, when I leave the day feeling worse instead of better, when the emotions hide just beneath the surface and bubble up unexpectedly, when sitting and doing absolutely nothing is more bearable than the thought of going to work, I know that I have to do something differently. I am consumed by the negativity that surrounds me at work, it effects everything that is happening in my life and I know that I need to do something about it....I am just not quite sure what yet. I feel like every time I turn around something isn't good enough, the example I am setting isn't bubbly enough, there is no positivity in the feedback that I am getting. I know that I am good at my job. I know that I am able to perform the tasks that they are asking of me day in and day out, I know that I can salvage a project, think of all the details and make something a success...and I am- it's going well..no complaints from anyone...so why is it that I don't hear the good things, why is it that I only hear what's wrong. Why is it that I am responsible for the way everyone else is feeling? I am not sharing how I am feeling with my team, I am not being negative, I have constructive things to say to people when they ask me, but somehow that is not enough. I don't believe that I have that much influence on people, I don't believe that people are looking to me for a cue how to behave or feel about something. They are all adults and they have legitimate concerns, ones that should be addressed by management. They are looking for answers, not me. Please if you are frustrated by the questions, talk to the people who are asking them, not me...because I need a break from it all for a little while. I am their colleague, not their manager, not their team leader, I am on the same level. I am desperately searching for a way to stay whole and not allow this to bring me down...
I am desperately seeking something to feed my soul and help me realize there's more to life than work...


  1. Wow, those first lines are EXACTLY how I've been feeling today.

    I am so sorry :( That has to be so very stressful.
    Is it possible to find the same type of work at another place??? (maybe not, I don't even have a job right now so I know how hard that can be!)
    Otherwise, tell them exactly what you just wrote: "I understand your concern, but you know I am on the same level as you are. You should really ask 'Mr.manager' about it."

    As far as not being recognized when you DO do everything perfect, that's just human nature I guess... you're probably like me and just think, 'I would tell her what a good job she is doing if it were the other way around!!!' and think others should be the same way... I am JUST now realizing that I expect to much from my fellow humans... some just don't think like I do. I follow the golden rule, but am finding that most people I know just don't.

    I'm glad you vented on your blog, (you know I've been doing a little of that lol) and I hope it did make you feel better :)
    I hope to see you soon with something else to smile about though!!!!!
    Best Wishes to you! I hope work gets better!

  2. I am also glad you vented on your blog. Key word being "Your" blog. I've always felt bad for being whiny on my blog, but it's really for me, right?

    Anyway, I know how you feel about work. I am in the same boat in a Union environment and the $ is far too good to leave. I like my job. I'm good at it, but sometimes the people...oy! So, as I cannot change them, all I can change is my reaction to them. The best piece of advice I received was from my hubby. He said, "Look for the humour in everything." Especially when someone over reacts, acts poorly, etc. Life is funny...if you look hard enough. Hope things start looking up.