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Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Yet another year

I will admit I have been melancholy about my birthday this year.
Thirty four.
Not old
But not young either
So many things that should have been accomplished by now.
One year closer to too old
I look at the paths of my friends lives and can't help comparing.
Can't help thinking of all of the plans I had for my life.
All of the plans we had together
A family, a house full of kids
Running around for play dates, scouts, family vacations
The family dinners, soccer games, movie nights.
That all changed ten years ago with one word.
One scary word that rocked my entire world.
Countless tests, blood draws, chemo.
Losing my hair, getting sick, almost losing everything.
I reflected today,
On where I have come from
On that day...and the many that followed.
I realized that although I am worried about being another year older, about not having everything we thought we would at this point in our lives,
That the important thing is that we have our lives.
We have each other.
We have the opportunities to make memories,
To celebrate one more year passing.
To dream about what we want,
to talk about the future.
To celebrate with friends,
To appreciate their gestures.
And when I reflect on all of that,
I realize that one more year,
even if it closer to old,
is a gift.
The best one that I could get.
All the rest of it will be whatever it is meant to be,
But at least I can experience it.
So I tried to shake off the melancholy and concentrate on what is really important.
The laughter shared at lunch time with my coworkers as we sat in the glorious sun and shared a meal.
The video of my niece and nephews singing me happy birthday,
The messages on facebook from friends and family.
The flowers and balloons at my desk from people I care about.
The wonderful meal that I shared with my husband tonight.
And falling asleep in his arms, knowing that although the future isn't ever a guaranty, that I am able to plan for it, dream it and live every single day to the fullest.

Hugs and love to you all tonight.  Sending a wish to all of you for peace, love and lots of smiles!


  1. Some people worry about ageing I am not one of them I am just happy to be here spending time with my family and if you think you are one year closer to being old spare a thought for those of use who are older...........lol

  2. Oh my goodness. Thirty four is still wonderfully young. You still have lots of living to do. Dreams and plans change and new ones happen.
    No one knows what the future holds.
    Just live every day as it comes.
    Hugs and love to you too

  3. As Mynx said, 34 is young, look at Diane over in the UK and I. We just each turned 65. Now I don't really feel old as I am in great health, still love to hike and have good knees which is a blessing. We have to stay focused on the really important things like family and loving each other and trying to be part of the answer instead of part of the problem. Have a great rest of the week.

  4. I never worried about getting older. I have always been happy with whatever age I was. Always, even when I was young. I never wanted to be older. And my 30s were so, so much fun.

    In hindsight I think that was probably a good thing I always thought that way because now I worry that I won't grow old. :) But I am incredibly fortunate to be given what I have had so far, so I will proudly tell anyone who asks that I am 45. [I have never really liked women who lie about their age. Who cares? It's a number.] And I am so happy I have my 46th birthday in September as a marker I want to make it too. It will make it that much sweeter to be able to say "I am 46."

    I sometimes wonder at the fairness of it all when of all the people I know that have kids [and suck at being parents] there are people that would be the most wonderful parents but for some reason can't. I know you don't want pity, and it isn't that, it just that it isn't fair, but you and your husband have such a great attitude that it is no wonder you have such a lot to be thankful for and a fun life that you share with others. Thank you. :)