I thought of you today

Hey, it’s me.

I thought about you today…

Which really isn’t anything new. 

I think about you everyday.

Maybe because I know that the date is coming.

Maybe because I have needed you a lot lately.

Maybe simply because I miss your smile. 

Or your purposeful hugs.

I wonder what you think of me…my life…

I wish you could see that I finally understand that lesson you tried to teach me so many years ago.

I remember like it was yesterday….

I was young…around 10 or so…

We were at Gram’s house and the whole family was there…

There were lots of kids and a couple of new babies around.

I went into another room….

I started drawing…

You noticed I was gone…

You came to find me..

Asked me what I was drawing..

I showed you …

A picture of a heart…

One that is fractured…

I was feeling like all of the additional kids meant that people loved me less, because I didn’t require so much attention.

Instead of telling me I was silly, you grabbed a piece of paper and a purple crayon.

You drew a heart and wrote my name in it….

Then you kept drawing bigger and bigger hearts, putting everyone’ s names in those heart.

You explained to me that I was special.

I was the oldest and the first

I was the one who taught them how to love grandchildren

My part of their heart never got any smaller,

The heart just kept growing.

But at the middle, was me…because I was the first.

You hugged me and we talked for a while.

From that day forward, you always knew when I needed to be reminded…

Needed a little bit of extra love.

Your monkey sits on my bookshelf….knotted arms, just the way you left it.

Sometimes, when I need that extra love, I pull it down and hug it….

I know that you are with me….

I feel you at times that I am incredibly happy…

And at times when I need something….

I remembered it’s been almost six years since I last saw your smile.

Six years of life, that you haven’t been able to be part of…

Of learning the lessons as nieces and nephews are born that your heart just gets bigger to encompass the love that you feel…

Of growing up

Of ups and downs

Of happiness and tears..

I just thought you should know…

I thought of you today…and I miss you