I'm going HOME!!!

And I can't wait!!
I am super excited for my trip...
excited to be away from the chaos that is home renovation
excited to be away from work
excited to see some people who I desperately miss on a regular basis
excited to surprise one of my favorite little girls..
but mostly, I am excited because that voice in the back of my head....
the one that I have been ignoring lately...
she's finally starting to let go of the breath that she's been holding for many many months...
To be home...in the place that holds so many memories..
the place where there are people that know my whole history...
the place that gave me the roots that feed my heart and soul..
The people who I love and have loved for a very long time..
my friends who became family...the very first ones..
the kids who grow up way to fast but gave me the first chance to be an aunt...
seeing the adult relationships of friends I have known for 24 years...
being a part of everyday life for a few precious hours of those who I love and care about....
it will go by in a blink of an eye..
and there is still half a day of work and an interview to get through....
but knowing tomorrow night I will be sitting on the porch with my best friend in the whole world...
being in the same place...breathing the same air...
that is what the voice in my head is telling me that I need...
and I can't wait for just a few days away.....
I will miss my husband terribly.
But the best part is that he knows I need this..
he knew before I did..
and he tells me to go...have fun...and he will be here when I get back...
I am truly blessed in my life..

Crazy few weeks..

I feel like once again, it's been forever since I posted...
mostly because it has been a while..
We are (once again) in the middle of a home renovation project.
I love the fact that my husband is handy enough to do this...
I love the fact that my father in law will willing give up his weekend to come down and help..
I do NOT love the mess that comes along with it..
We are having insulation done in a few weeks...which I love since we have no insulation in our walls currently..
However, as with most projects in this house, it is not that simple.
We had a drop ceiling in our den and upon closer inspection realized that the walls do not go all the way to the floor joists...
which means that they need to be taken down and rebuilt to the floor joists so that the insulation will be trapped between the inside wall and the outside wall..
Well, while we are opening up the walls, it's the perfect time to create the chaseways for the electrical wiring that needs to be completely rerun and replaced upstairs...
Which leads to going in to the attic to rewire because everything runs through one junction box...
So, while I love the fact that htey can do all of this, which saves me a significant amount of money, it also means that I am living in the middle of a construction zone...
I keep reminding myself that the house will be warm this winter with the additional insulation...
The den will be converted into the laundry room
And it will be three more projects to check off the never ending list of home improvement projects that are more complicated than we ever anticipate..
So, as the very fine plaster dust settles tonight after a long hard day of them working to get it done, I am grateful that they know how to do all of this...but with all of you as my witness if we ever decide to move and sell this house I swear we will build something from the ground up....that way we know that it will all be done right the first time!

I have a couple of other posts rolling around in my head, including the addition of some new art work from one of my favorite bloggers, but I need to go to bed because they will be up in a few hours to finish up what they have been working on bright and early...
Hugs and love to you all!!

Going home...

I wrote a post the other day about making time for the voice in my head..
that voice that is insisting that i take some time for me...
Well, today, I received an email about a plane ticket deal...
a deal, that happens to coincide with one of my favorite kiddos birthday.
so I jumped on it , with the blessing of my wonderful husband...
i will be going home, to the place of my roots for a second time this year...
to surprise her for her first "big" girl party...
the side benefit is that I will get to see some of my best friends in the whole entire world...
For four whole days...
As soon as I clicked the purchase button, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders..
the little person in my head had a very smug smile on it's face...
it just kind of said...finally, you are listening to me...taking some time to refresh and renew your soul..
I am looking forward to my time away....
I am looking forward to taking a few days away for just me...to calm that voice in my head.

Fall is in the air

the crisp smell of the dew on the grass....
only a few degrees above frost..
warming up the car in the morning..
The cool rays of the sun as they hit your face..
the ever changing leaves...
golden yellow, burnt orange and red that change in the blink of an eye..
The smell of autumn in the air...
Going outside, the briskness takes your breath away
The clouds swirl around a sliver of a moon..
Snuggling with a cup of hot cocoa..
the smell of apples cooking..
pumpkins dotting the front stoops..
the excitement of dressing up like someone else..
under a blanket..
not quite cold enough to have the heat on..
but chilly enough that it's necessary to sit closely..
Curling up in bed..
the cold sheets a shock to the skin..
the slow warming under a down comforter...
knowing that there are warm arms to pull me closer to stop the shivering..
While I know that winter is right around the corner...
I do love this season..
the beauty
the crispness
the changing of the colors...
knowing that the landscape will be bathed in white soon enough..but enjoying the moment before it all changes...

Little voice...

Can you please help me?
What can you do?
When are you available?
How can you help?
There are many demands...
every day...
Someone needs something..
Someone expects something...
There is another voice..
one that I hear when i lay down in bed at night..
hey what about me...
Ignore it...
wake up...
do it all again...
Again, at night...that little voice...
Can you please?
I need...
I wish you could..
please make my life easier..
can you come
will you be there..
and I lay down..
at night..
in the wee hours of the morning..
that little voice...
asks again..what about me?
I need something too...
til that voice late at night becomes overwhelming..
Is louder than all the rest..
Hey you...are you there..
it's my turn..
That little voice..
that reminds you that you need something too..
The question is...how do you make time for that voice too?
How do you make time for what you need when you are so busy making everyone else a priority.

Happy Happy Birthday

32 years ago today...
Mom put us down for a nap...
She was going to watch General Hospital...
She was uncomfortable..
Ready to be done...
With two girls in the house...one 3, the other barely 1..
General Hospital was her one vice...
Every day...
You had other plans that day though...
A few weeks early...
Contractions and a couple of hours later there you were...
Ready to meet the world...
I remember telling you stories for hours as you laid on the couch....
not understanding...
and who knows what kind of stories came out of the mind of a three year old...
but you were a captive audience for whatever babbling I was doing...
We grew up....
I watched you struggle...
to find your place..
to be yourself...
I worried about you...
Laughed with you...
Cried with you...
I have an email that you wrote me fourteen years ago still...
begging me not to hate you ...
you shared a secret with you...
you were scared...
I was proud of you...
Proud to be the one you came out to first..
Proud of the connection we had and the trust that you in me...
Fast forward...
I am still proud of you...
Proud of who you are..
Proud that you live your life without making any excuses..
Proud of the individual you have become..
We've traveled the world together...
Maine, Paris, Vegas, Mexico...
All of them full of the laughter shared between two siblings...
You have always been there for me...no matter what...
I can't wait to see what this crazy journey brings you...
And I am proud to walk next to you and call you my brother...
Love you!!

Going up

Take a step...
Onto a machine that takes you to a different location...
standing on that moving staircase...
Do you stand still?
Do you run up the stairs, moving faster than you could on your own?
Notice the people around you?
Or simply move to the place you are going without looking around?
It can be a study of human nature.
Noticing the people around you..
the harried woman with a child who is not having a good day..
Yelling at the top of his lungs until she finally gives in..
She finally says that he can have whatever he is desperately pining for..
The old woman sitting on the bench muttering to herself..
A bit disheveled, but digging through a massively huge purse looking for that ever important item that is just beyond her reach.
The impeccable gentleman in a three piece suit,
Talking on his phone,
Urgently trying to close a deal while purchasing a pack of cigarettes and some gum.
The teenager with his headphones in,
Tuning out the entire world..
The person who pushes past on the mechanical staircase...
Murmuring excuse me as they push past.
Standing on the stair, as it reaches half way..
noticing the bright colors,
The music in the background...
The sales woman desperately trying to help the suburban housewife...
Who wants the perfect dress for a special night out with her husband.
I wonder, as I reach my destination, what are their stories..
What is the background that causes the hurried mother to give into the child?
Who is the old woman missing?
Is that impeccable gentleman working to pay a mortgage, while his wife stays home with a child?
What drives the teenager into himself, into his music?
How is that moment in time going to make a difference in the world?
As I take a step off the mechanical stairs, to get to my destination, I wonder.
I shake myself out of my thoughts and continue on...
Taking a step towards whatever path life has for me...
and sincerely hope I never stop recognizing the rest of the world that happens while I take a ride on the escalator.

Just wanted to say...

hi-
I wanted to make sure you knew...
that today..like every day..I thought of you...
In the whisper of the wind,
The laughter that surrounded me...
Thought about sharing the frustrations of the day....
of turning to you for advice...
Thought of sharing the smiles...
The sight of the leaves turning orange and gold,
The blue sky that went on forever
The sun sinking into horizon leaving wisps of neon across the sky.
The smell of the campfire from the house next door...
The chill of fall on the air
And the slight smell of rain that lingers in the air tonight.
Talking to you about what's going on...
Knowing that you would dispense some sage advice to help me put things into perspective...
When i get into a rut..
I think of you...
I think of your smiles..
The wind circles me like your arms used to,
allowing me to release the anxiety and stress into the universe...
There are no easy answers and every problem has a solution...
You taught  me that...
You also taught me not to miss out on the good things no matter what you are dealing with...
I am trying to remember that...
Trying to live that..
I hope that I can make you proud...
knowing that you are walking next me...
helping me
guiding me...
loving me..
even if I will never feel your arms around me again...

Long time...no post...

It's been forever since I have been on here...
Not because I haven't had anything to say...
but because I haven't taken the time to write it down...
things have been a bit crazy around here...
incredibly emotional and I have been trying to just keep everything running straight..
I will ask a favor that you add my brother in law to your pray/positive thoughts lists...he deployed last week...I would greatly appreciate it...the kids too...it has been a bit emotional with him leaving....
Good news is our roof is really finally done...
that's very exciting...
We are getting quotes from a couple of companies to do insulation for the whole house this month...which means more contractors in my house...gotta love it..
In the middle of all of it is work, my own family stuff with the holidays coming up, and all the house stuff there are smiles..
My nephews, who are adjusting to their dad being gone, are a bit  more snuggly than usual.
My sister in law and I had a girls day last Friday...which was great fun!!
We had a baby shower to celebrate new life..
My parents are moved into their new house..
My husband is still fabulous...
My best friend is amazing...she listens to me ramble about all of this stuff...

Things are okay...just a bit insane right now..
but I wanted to stop in...say hi and let you all know that I am thinking of you!!