About Me

My photo
Trying to remember that there is always a reason, always something that makes you smile during the day- recognizing the event, person or situation that made you smile will make your day seem that much better.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

It takes things away

The last few weeks have been rough...
Treatment has been progressing at a snails pace...
Food holds no more taste
Choking it down simply because I have to continue to feed myself...
Throwing it up every night...
Starts around 10 pm lasts until about 430...
Sleeping for a few hours...
Work is keeping me sane...for the most part...
I feel like this disease is slowly taking everything away from me..
First my hair..
Then the taste for food
Tons of drs appointments
Vials of blood every week
My ability to think straight half the time is in question....
Chemo brain is truly a real condition....post it notes are my best friend..
My weekends are no longer my own...sleeping half the day away and the grocery store is a task that can sometimes seem insurmountable. ..
Unable to enjoy the fairs this year...because being out in public is frowned upon...
Everything tastes like battery acid...
This weekend...I got angry..this weekend this stupid, disgusting disease took something away that I will never get back...
I couldn't be there for my best friend when she needed me because I can't get on a damn airplane...
She totally understood...
But my heart hurts...
My brain logically says that I cant...and that it is okay..
My heart is ripped into a million pieces...
This stupid disease took her mother in law in less than a month....and I couldn't be there to honor her...to help my best friend, my soul sister when she needed me.
This disease steals so much....but this weekend...it shattered my heart....because it took someone so important to people who I love and it prevented me from being there to support them.
#cancersucks

2 comments:

  1. Yes it does suck. BIGTIME! I can understand why you feel like you do about your friend but I'm sure she would want you to take care of YOU. Perhaps she can take some time after the dust settles to come and see you so she can regroup. I'm sending you lots of healing hugs and much love!! XO

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didnt know...please dont be too hard on yourself...and kick that disease in the butt!

    ReplyDelete