Day 30

This has been an interesting month,
coming up with one thing a day that I am grateful for.
there are so many things in my life that I am truly blessed and in awe of every single day.
Today, on this last day of November,
there is one thing that I always remember.
Life is not a guarantee.
There have been many twists and turns on this journey and not so many years ago I learned that there is nothing that promises that you will be here tomorrow.
A diagnosis of a brain tumor,
the medicine that was administered,
the many appointments that held disappointing news.
At an age where so many of my friends were finding their way,
starting new families,
I was struggling to stay alive.
I struggle, fought, screamed, cried and made bargains with a higher power I wasn't even sure existed.
I hid the darkest thoughts from all those around me because if I let it show, then it was real.
I found an online community that had people who were going through the same thing and I found my voice.
I found others who were fighting just as hard,
some who won their fights,
others who did not.
I remember all their names.
We cried together,
shared our hopes and dreams along with our deepest fears.
I learned from that time in my life that you can't take anything for granted.
Although I am sure I would have learned many different life lessons if it hadn't been the hand that I was dealt, part of me is grateful that it was.
I learned that I was a strong woman.
I learned that you need to fight for everything you want.
I learned that being stubborn may not be the most attractive attribute, but sometimes it is all that can get you through.
I learned that you need to love every day.
you need to speak that love to those around you because there will come a time when you are unable.
I learned that it's okay to ask for help.  There are times when the help of others lets you reserve your energy for the important fight.
I learned that there are people who won't know what to say or how to act, and sometimes they are the people that you want to rely on the most.
I learned to forgive.  Forgive those perceived wrongs, forgive those who may not always live up to your expectations.
I learned that it's not always going to be the way you want it to be.  If life was perfect and you  had the house with the white picket fence, the wonderful job and the picture perfect family it might be boring.
For me, although the fight was hell and there were many times that giving up seemed to be the only option, the people who surrounded me with love and support were what kept me standing.  They made me fight for one more day.
The day that I looked a doctor in the eye and told him that while I valued his opinion but I was determined to prove him wrong was one that I will look back on with pride and a little bit of awe.
I am grateful for the journey that I have traveled so far and am grateful for every single day that I can take one more step down that path.
I don't know what life has in store for me or those that I care about, but I know that they are there cheering me on, holding me up and walking with me.
I am grateful for who experience has made me and for every single opportunity that comes my way.

Hugs and love to you all tonight!

Day 23

black friday...
A day when many were out in the stores...
A day when TV's were fought over,
the hottest toys pulled off the shelf,
people got mad at others for taking their parking space,
there were deals to be had and many people who went out to get them.
Not us.
We stayed snuggled in bed until the perfectly reasonable hour of 7:30am, when two munchkins stood at the doorway and asked if we were every going to get up.
We played games,
stayed in comfy clothes,
and we laughed.
A lot.
We enjoyed the beautiful weather and just hung out.
Basketball, pig, football.
On that day, I was grateful for unseasonably warm weather that allowed us all to burn off the meal that we had eaten the day before and enjoy just hanging out.
We may have missed out on a deal or two at the stores,
but the day was full of laughter, smiles and lots of love.

Day 29

Forgive me if these are a bit out of order.
I had every intention of posting whilst we were away, but we were too busy with the kiddos.
So over the next few days, you will be caught up on what I was grateful for on each of those days.

It is quiet here tonight.
The moon was full last night and I took a moment, in the freezing cold, to sit outside and soak in the moon rays.
It has been a tough couple of days around here.
Hubby is doing okay...
He is upset and hurting...and there is nothing I can say or do to make him feel better.
She was truly his cat.  He adopted her and they had their routines in the morning and at night.  I know he is missing her and is feeling guilty.  All I can do is hope for peace for him because I know that this will haunt him for a long time.

I am starting to see all kinds of Christmas decorations pop up on my way home from work.  They make me smile.  They remind me of when I was younger and my parents would pile all of us in the car and we would drive around for hours looking at the Christmas decorations.  When we would go out and pick out a Christmas tree and spend the afternoon decorating it and remembering where the ornaments came from.  Remembering cooking in the kitchen with my mother.  Christmas cookies galore for everyone because that was better than finding the perfect gift.
I find myself grateful tonight for the simpler times.
I love the magic of the holiday season.
I love the fact that people reach out more during the holiday season than they do the entire rest of the year.
I love the sparkle in a child's eye when they see Santa for the first time.
I love the chills that I get when you hear Christmas music sang by a church choir for the first time in the season.
I love the parties that get everyone together and celebrating.
I am grateful all year, but this time of year especially, for being able to see the good in life, the good in people and to be surrounded by so many people who care about others.

love and hugs.

Day 22

how big's the turkey?
Someone google how long it needs to be cooked.
We have to get up at what time?
What time are we eating?
Who's gonna call Nan and tell her to be here by noon?
How many times can we trip over each other in the kitchen?
What can I help with?
Auntie, teach my how to peel carrots.
Honey, can you cut up onions?
Here, go set the table?
Behind you.
Got it.
All set.
Everybody in the dining room.
Pass the turkey
Pass your plate, the container's hot
Pass to your right, no pass to the left.
No skipping people to get something faster.
I want apple pie
I want pumpkin
Nanny is there any chocolate pie.
It's time for football.
I'll do the dishes
It's time for another glass of wine
Who wants to play cards?
Make sure you take leftovers with you.
There were lots of smiles...lots to be thankful for...lots to soak in.
There was a lot of noise, a bit of yelling and many smiles throughout the day.
At the end of the day, when I think I ate more in one day than I did all week, I looked around at all of us, sacked out on couches, sitting on laps, sitting in recliners watching the home town team play football, grateful for the day.  Grateful for living in the moment.

Sad night tonight

I have a bunch of posts to write about this weekend....
but tonight, I am going to ask that you send some positive thoughts this way..
We had to put down the outside cat tonight.
She is one that sort of came with the house...as in she was here before we were...
We have fed her and taken her to the vet and let her inside when it was cold out.
It's very sad...
Hubby was pulling up the driveway tonight and she ran in front of the truck..
He couldn't stop in time...
He is...well quite frankly...a mess.
There is nothing that can be said that will make it better..
but maybe if all my blog friends can send out some positive thoughts, his heart might start to heal..
I promise a more upbeat post tomorrow.

This was her after we shaved her last summer.
RIP Jasmine.

Love and hugs to you all tonight!!

Day 21

My phone blinks,
text message.
Good Morning.
text back Good Morning how are you?
Back and forth...
The kids are excited...they were counting on the calendar how many days you will be here.
I can't wait to see them.
the text messages go on for about an hour...or until I get motivated to go and get the stuff done that needs to get done.
Packing
Putting laundry away
Taking care of the cats
 Prepping some apps for tomorrow.
But tonight, we will leave and head the two hours north.
When we get there we will have two very excited, and probably very tired kids who will throw themselves in our arms excited that we will be there.
They will fall asleep, most likely on the couch next to us..
we will settle in for the night, have a glass or two of bubbly..
Do some prep for the big feast tomorrow..
fall into a rhythm of being together....
needing to avoid the pit falls of family drama..
I am grateful for my extended family..
It hasn't always been easy with them, but I don't know what I would do without them in my life.

Day 20

Rush, rush, rush.
Pick up the phone,
Answer an email
Can you...
Would you..
I need...
I want...
Yesterday..
Today...
Why can't you..
Why won't you...
Phone ringing
Emails dinging
Instant messages
Time out
Take a breath.
Okay right back at it..
Five o'clock...five thirty..
Finally..
Pack it up.
Yep, the computer comes home
Yep I will check it tomorrow
Yep I will make sure to be on top of things over the weekend.
But the blessed silence of knowing it will be on my time, my way.
I am grateful for my job and all it provides for us.
I enjoy the people I work with, both at the office and those out in the field.
I work hard...sometimes forget to play just as hard.
But today, as I walk out of the building, I am grateful for a five day weekend...